bad communication skills
by idekwbwn
Summary: it's a serie of unconnected one shots about Densi. One chapter for each letter of the Alphabet. Not quite good at summaries but you should come and read.
1. Chapitre 1 : Anger

_Hey, so my name is Noa and I'm a french student. I'll write in english to improve it as much as possible and well, because I just love to speak it ! I'll post when I'll have the time because it takes time plus english isn't my first language. Also not because I have a social life (i don't), but because I have a lot of series to watch and books to read. You know how it feels. Anyway, this is my first fanfic so i don't know anything about Beta (something idk) or how to rate the chapters. But I really wanted to try it. If you see any mistakes, please tell me because it'll help me at school._

 _It's gonna be a Densi fanfic but the others might be there too._

 _Obviously i don't own anything from NCIS LA._

 **Chapter 1 :** **Anger.**

After a long case which had been solved by the team, Kensi was exhausted. She was literally sleeping on her feet. Obviously, the case was solved in record time like every other one but, this morning, when Kensi woke up, she hadn't expect her to be so overwhelmed with Deeks and the woman from DEA. She saw them chatting and laughing and even flirting right in front of her. She couldn't admit her feelings to him, it was unthinkable for her to just say it at loud so to him, of course not. She felt so jealous during the day. She wanted to punch her. And she wanted to punch him too for not understanding her feelings and seeing her gazes at him.

She breathed hoping it would make her more peaceful and then sat at her desk, starting some paperwork related to the case. It wasn't even 10 minutes after that deeks came in, and he sat on the corner of her desk.

« what ? » she said, not even looking at him. Kensi tried to focus on her work, vainly. She was scared that if she would meet his eyes he would understand her anger. He would finally understand everything. At this very moment she wasn't so sure about him knowing the truth. She was in distress. What would she do if he rejected her ? Would it be possible to go back on her life as if nothing happened ?

Deeks could read her like an open book and sometimes she hated it. But at the same time she kind of wanted him to see through her, to get that she more than liked him. Maybe he liked her too. Who knows ?

« Is there a problem ? » Deeks could feel that something was going on with her. She was the person he discerned the more. And he loved it. But right now, all he knew was that something was off with her. And it had been like that during the whole day. What, was the main question that's why in his head he thought of every second of the day. Then, Talia's face popped up in his mind. And from this moment everything made sense. She was now looking at him, with arrows in her eyes. She stood up, packing her things in her bag, trying to not go on a rampage.

« Nothing. There's nothing. I'll see you tomorrow. » She was so ready to go home, order some food and watch a stupid TV show. Maybe she was ready to give up on him. Why would she keep trying to be more confident and more opened to him if it was for nothing ? She once said to him that she was making efforts for him but maybe Deeks didn't saw them.

« Kensi. » He grabbed her arm, strong enough to make her stay but not too brutal to hurt her. Because well, when he was with her, all Deeks could do was care for her and cherish her. That's why he decided to make a move towards her, towards the woman he loved.

« Wait. Is this because of Talia ? Because you know that there's nothing. Right ? »

She looked at Deeks' blue eyes, wrinkled her nose, trying to figure out what she was going to say. God, she wanted to say a lot of things, she wanted to let him know that yes she was hopping that Talia was just a random girl for him, that yes she was the first woman he was thinking of when he wakes up on the morning, that yes she had feelings for him. All she said was that she didn't even care. That he could do everything he wanted because it wasn't her business.

« And I'm the one who is supposed to be bad at communication skills. Talia and I are not dating and I don't understand why you are so angry because it's not like you are interested in me. Am I right Kensi ? » He was yelling and she was glad that the office was empty. He started to get on her nerves again and she couldn't take it anymore. Everything she was keeping to her since that moment had to be evacueted. That's why Kensi started to shout too, small tears in her eyes.

« I wanted you to be patient with me, I wanted you to do this thing where you understand me just perfectly but no, of course you couldn't do that. You had to screw her and then act as if it was nothing. Don't make this stupid face of yours and don't lie to me, I know you did. And I hate myself for imagining that we had a thing. That our thing had worth something for you as much as for me ! I hate that i've been jealous of her. So no, you're wrong, I think you saw her a few more times than what she said earlier. But it's ok. And I'm so done with you. » she was pushing him against his desk a few times before she couldn't handle it anymore. Kensi was just standing there, arms swinging, her head down. He tried to speak but nothing came out of his mouth. All he could do was gazing at her. He wanted to hug her and not leaving her. He wanted to raise her head and smile to her. Finally. Finally she said what she was thinking. Finally she wasn't keeping stuff for herself.

« Me too. »

Kensi looked up at him, raising an eyebrow, quite not understanding everything.

He took the time to breath calmly and then said : « I like you too. »

Deeks took her hand in his quietly, not so sure if she would hit him or not. He put one of her hair strands behind her ear, stroking his thumb on her cheek and whispering to her : « I like you too Kensi. »

She couldn't handle it anymore, and neither do him. Deeks got closer and kissed her hardly as if he wanted her to understand that fuck, yes he had feelings for her. So much feelings he couldn't explain them. And with that embrace they were finally like one. It felt good honestly. For both of them, it was the beginning of something new. Something bigger.

From the stairs, Hetty smiled gently before going back upstairs.

 _So, here's the first one shot, i don't know if it was good or really bad. All I know is that reviews would be cool and with it I'll post the second OS._


	2. Chapter 2 : Blood

_**Hey hey. First of all I wanted to thank you for your reviews, favs and follows. That's very sweet of you and I loved to read them. But, I just don't get how to answer to them actually soooo. Anyway, here's the second chapter. It's set the day after the first one. I think it's an exception because the 24 others might not have any links. (idk if this sentence makes any sense). So let me know what you think of this OS with reviews and maybe i'll find how to answer to you. Thank you so much.**_

* * *

 **Chapter 2 : Blood**

The next morning, Deeks woke up first. He realised who was in his arms, his feet interlaced to hers, his arms around her. A large smile appeared on his sleepy face and that's when he realised how much he was delighted at this very moment. Every seconds from last night ran through his mind. He remembered the fight, the kiss, the embrace and the « I Love You ». For a minute, he didn't move, he just watched her sleep. Totally not in a creepy way of course. Kensi seemed so peaceful and really asleep that he didn't want to wake her up. She was truly beautiful. He had never seen a woman so beautiful. Of course they had to talk about their thing and how it will be between them from now on, they had to go to work and save people. But as far as he was concerned, he wanted to stay in bed with her during the whole day. Deeks knew a lot of things about her but all he wanted to do today was learning more stuff about Kensi. Her Kensi. It seemed too good to be true.

"stop looking at me."

He chuckled a little bit before kissing her cheek. "I wasn't."

"Yes, you were. This is way more scary than a stalker." Kensi said, laughing, before she turned to look at him. She stretched and put the blanket over her.

"I was thinking of something." She said, looking everywhere but not at him.

"You had the time to do it between the night we had and you waking up 2 minutes ago ?" He responded, hiding a smile from her. He then received a punch on his arm.

"Touché. No but seriously. Do you think that this, us, our thing, could be a secret for a little bit ? Because, after everything that happened with Siderov and in Afghanistan.. you know.. I just want this to belong.. to us for a moment. You know I missed you when I wasn't there and.. well.. do you mind if we keep this for us ?" Kensi looked at him discretly. You could only see her eyes exceeded from the warm blanket. She was stressed that he will react badly about it.

Deeks stared at her for a minute or two before smiling gently. "Keeping it a secret is fine with me. And you know Monty is gonna be happy to have you for him you know."

He then hugged her more firmly in order to let her know that he agree with this decision.

* * *

Their new case was a kidnapped Marine. He was held as a hostage in a warehouse in the North of Los Angeles. The team had small informations on the abductors but finally, after the whole day searching everywhere, they had a lead. That's why they were heading to the building and save the man. Kensi was supposed to be the sniper in this case and take control in case of emergency. The others had to go in, save the guy and arrest the criminals. It was supposed to be as every other cases. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Kensi was in position, hid behind trees and her partner Sam and Callen were about to go in.

"All clear." She said through her headset.

At this moment they decided to enter and took the abductors down. And that's what they did.

But Kensi felt a gun on her back. She stopped moving, breathing but not thinking. Her mind was boiling and god, she was not okay with this situation. She couldn't turn away or he would kill her, she couldn't speak or the others would come and the Marine wouldn't be saved and he would kill her, she couldn't try to kill him because he would do it before her. All she could do and all she did was to laid down her gun and lift up her hands in the air, still her back to him. She wanted to let the guys know what was going on or even dissuade him to do anything but before she could say one word, the man shot. He shot her. Her head was resting on the ground among the dust and she let out a slight shout. Everything was spinning around her and her wound hurt her so much. At some point, the pain was so high it was like she felt nothing. Not even her body. Just nothing.

"Kensi ? What happened ?" Deeks asked. Yelling more than something else. They all heard the scream and they were looking at each other, in distress.

Of course she wasn't. The man escaped as fast as he came here and she was all alone. To top it all off she blacked out, bleeding too much from the bullet hole.

* * *

A few hours ago, she was in a hospital bed, asleep after her surgery but she wasn't that alone. Deeks stood beside her, her hand in his and he was staring at her. Some thoughts came in his mind. She couldn't die here and now because their thing just became a true relationship, she couldn't die because he didn't know how he would handle it, she couldn't die because she was Kensi. Her Kensi. That was not possible. He wasn't going to accept that. He felt so useless at that very moment, what could he do ? When they found her on the ground he freaked out. He even thought his heart had stop beating for a second. Or maybe for a minute. He had been so terrified because she fainted and the ambulance came after forever. He also felt terribly miserable because she had been on her own when the guy hurt her. He wasn't there to protect her and he blamed himself for it. A lot. Now it was too quiet in the small room. He said to Sam and Callen that he will call if there are any news, but for now they could go home. He was going to stay with her until she wakes up.

"Kensi ? Now is the time to open your eyes. You are not allowed to to die here. I hope you understood me. Ok, come on, open them now." Deeks whispered as he stroked her arm gently.

"She will Mr. Deeks." Hetty appeared behind him and she let her hand on his shoulder. "You know she will. "

He turned his head to gaze at her but that's all he did. He couldn't smile. "When ?"

She shrugged a little bit, looking him in the eyes. "When she wants. You know she's stubborn."

Deeks looked at Kensi once again, small tears in his eyes, tightening her hand.

"I believe you are in a relationship with miss Blye." She said.

Deeks didn't understand how she could know it because they have been careful not to come in together this morning. But of course, it's Hetty and Hetty knows everything. As always. So he just nodded and a slight smile appeared on his face. "Yes we are."

All she responded was "Good." and then she left the room. But before she did, she said that everything will turn out to be ok.

* * *

When Kensi opened her eyes, it was as if she hadn't sleep in like forever. She felt a terrible pain in her back and a weight on her legs. It was him. He stayed with her. Of course he did. She wanted to move and go home to her bed but her body felt so heavy. She moved her fingers to Deeks' hair to wake him up. He lift his head quickly with an adorable sleepy face, and he stood up to look at her properly.

"Oh my God, you're awake. Are you alright ? Do you need anything ? How do you feel ? Do you want me to go so you can sleep ?"

Kensi laughed a little bit. It was more like a groan due to her injuries but she still was awake.

"Hey, calm down. Just come here." She made room for him in the very small bed. He lie down with his arms around her body.

"A couple of months ago, you made me promised that I would never get myself killed. I think it's your turn now." He was so gentle it was like he didn't even touch her. He didn't want to aggravate her situation.

"I'll do my best for the next time." Kensi said while resting her head on his chest.

"Did you save the Marine ?" Of course, she would hear about him before seeing the doctors about her condition.

"We did. You should sleep. Really." With his thumb, he was stroking her hip.

"Can you stay ?" She asked with a voice that made him think of a child. He smiled gently and he nodded.

"To make me go, you'll have to beat me up. So yes, Kensalina I'm staying."

Falling asleep she let out a small "Thank you.", leaning more against him. After an hour of watching her sleep, Deeks closed his eyes to fall asleep too. Relieved that everything turned out ok, as Hetty said earlier.


	3. Chapter 3 : Camera

**Chapter 3 : Camera**

 _ **Helloo. I hope you're all alright if anybody is still reading this. I know it's a little bit short but my family arrived yesterday from the other side of the world. So you understand that it's been a long time that we didn't see each other. I wrote this super late so please, excuse me if there's any mistake. Anyway, as I said before, the OS won't be linked into each other. That's why this one has no link with the last one when she's injured and stuff. Frankly i don't know if my chapters are ok bc I don't know how to post a new one everytime. This website is sooo complicated omg. Please review if you're still reading it bc it feels great to know what people think. Anyway have a good day (and night here in France).**_

* * *

In 2012 Kensi saw her mother for the first time in years. She felt delighted but in the same time full of sadness. Everything reminded her of her father, Donald, especially Julia. She had the memories of her childhood life and she couldn't bear it. God, she missed him so much. She knew that her father's death wasn't an accident and it was killing her from the inside. It was as if she was the only one to believe that he didn't die in the car. Like they all said to her. She tried to learn the truth for years and at some point she opened up to Deeks. He had been there for her when she needed him the most and she was thankful for it. But it was hard to find evidences when they were hidden so well. She couldn't do anything on her own and she kind of felt tired about fighting so hard for nothing. Since the day she decided to leave with her father, Kensi didn't saw her mother. After his death, she had to live in the streets for a while. She couldn't go back to Julia because the latter wanted to leave her dad. And that's what she did actually, because Donald's job didn't coresponds to Julia's idea of life. Kensi couldn't forgive this choice so going back « home » wasn't a possibility for her. The good thing is that Kensi truly learned how to survive and what to do for it. That was the only good point of this crappy situation. But she made it ! She went to college, and frankly she was the best student in her class, even in the whole school. She was clever and she always took the right decisions for her future. She was determined to get in NCIS and prove everything.

In 2012, they saw each other for the first time in years. From that moment Kensi decided that she was done with this stupid war between the two of them and she started to make moves towards her mother. Obviously it was difficult for both of the women to be with each other again. Kensi made moves yes, but not at the very beginning. At first, a distance had been created from her because she wasn't quite sure if she could trust her. Maybe Julia would go away like she did in the past and she wasn't sure she could bear it. One more time. But then, with time and patience everything was better. From time to time, with Deeks and Monty, she went to her mother's house for diner because Julia was the only one to know about their relationship. It had slipped from his mouth one day but Kensi was kind of glad it did. She wasn't going to blame him even though talking about it with her mother felt weird. She had missed everything in her life and it was hard to cope for Kensi. In the meantime it was great in a way that she was aware of their little secret. It meant that, well, she trusted the other woman a little bit at least.

* * *

One day, they decided to head to her house in order to pick some stuff in her garage for Kensi and eat diner with her in order for Julia to hear more about their lives, works and how their relationship was going on. It was always great for Deeks to see the woman he more than liked having fun again with her mother. He knew for a long time how difficult her past had been for her and how hard it was when she lost her father. He hadn't been there at this period of her life but one night she told him. She talked about every memory she had with Donald. But then she had talked about her father's case and the proofs she gathered. That's when she started to cry in silent but he saw the tears and he held her more tightly. That night broke his heart. He couldn't do anything but be there for her. And he did. He was glad for them. Maybe Julia would help her find the peace she deserves. He stared at her and she was smiling and joking with her mother and at this moment he felt happiness coming in his body. Seeing her smiling was the best thing he ever saw to be honest. He might have truly understand how much he cared about her at this precise minute. He wanted to tell her as soon as possible but he didn't want to scare her.

They needed to find some files that Kensi left at her mom's because her tiny apartment hadn't that space for boxes full of papers. But in front of the open garage, Deeks and Kensi felt discouraged by the amout of boxes and stuff that Julia owned. Even a mouse couldn't enter the room.

"Do you think we'll be back before Christmas ?" And that is when he received a punch on his arm.

"My mother is disorganized yes but not that much."

"I know someone else who is disorganized too.."

Deeks so wanted to laugh at her because God, her apartment was a big mess. There was magazines and books everywhere near her clothes and blankets. Everytime he went there, he fell on something. It was inevitable but he wouldn't want to change her for someone else. He liked it like that.

"Ha ha. Hurry up, I want to go to sleep." Kensi started to search in the corner as fast as possible.

She needed them for work and of course, she had to loose them somewhere. It was always like that with her. After 5 minutes of intensive search, Deeks found a camera which was more like a Polaroid one. He stared at it for a second before an idea popped into his mind. He turned discreetly towards Kensi and he took a candid picture of her. She was smiling at an old book offered by her dad. She was deeply splendid. Her hair falling on her shoulders, she was as natural as possible and he loved that. He loved the fact that she didn't need a ton of makeup to look pretty to him. Obviously she didn't saw him and with the sunlight and her smile, the picture was perfect. He wanted to keep it forever. The camera's sound made her lift her head and she looked at him in a puzzled way before seeing the Polaroid.

"You didn't take a picture of me right ?"

"I might have did." He said while shrugging his shoulders. Deeks stored it in his pocket before she could take it and of course, destroy it.

"Give. It. To. Me." Her arms were folded as a kid would do. An adorable one.

"You know I won't Kensalina."

she sighed and gave up because she was aware that Deeks was a stubborn man. She also had to admit that she found it cute. He wanted a picture of her, not kill her or something like that. It was just memories and she had to open up to him or he would leave her too.

That's why she stepped towards him and took the camera from him.

"Ok. Let's take one together."

Deeks looked at her raising an eyebrow. But before she could say on word he went behind her and put his arms around her body. He didn't want her to change her mind so quickly and leave him in the garage. He started to smile, his head in her neck.

"Well, are you going to take the picture or what ?"

She shook her head laughing at him and that's when their first picture together was taken. Deeks took the opportunity to hug her firmly.

"Thank you." He said, almost whispering it.

"For what ?" Kensi turned in his arms to look at him in his eyes.

"For letting me keeping the photo. And taking one with me. I liked that." His eyes were now closed, his cheek against hers.

"I told you. Be patient with me."

"I'm not leaving you."

 ** _Ok so please reviewwww._**

 ** _Noa_**


	4. Chapter 4 : Drunk

**Chapter 4 : Drunk**

 _ **Hey so here is the 4th chapter. Hope you'll like it! Do you know the word in E for the next chapter ? Let me know if you have any idea that you think match with mine. + let me know what you think for once. :)**_

 _ **I've been said that I don't use quotation marks but the thing is I do all the time. I'm afraid they don't appear or something so if you can see it or can't see it just let me know because I want to fix it.**_

* * *

On a friday Deeks decided to head to his favorite bar with his friends for the night. After an easy case and an easy day Kensi went back to her apartment. They had spend the whole month, days and nights, together and they needed at least one night apart. Of course they like each other presences but sometimes you just need time for yourself. Time to take a bath, watch a chick flick movie, or see friends. Just a little bit of time for your own so you won't kill your partner when he doesn't clean all the mess in the bathroom. That's why Deeks went with his mates to his favourite bar around 10pm. All he did was drinking alcohol and joking around with his two friends from his old job at the LAPD. That was great to see theem again after how it ended at the job when he started to work with the team. It felt like 20 years ago when it was just a few years back but a lot of things happened in his life, in all their lives. He really thought he was part of the talks but it was not really.

Because from time to time Deeks noticed that he wasn't focussed on the stories he was told. It was like he couldn't concentrate on his night. He kept trying to understand their jokes but his mind was full of Kensi's laugh, voice and face. God, he loved this laugh.

And at that moment he realised that he wanted to go to her apartment. He wanted to be with Kensi. His Kensi. Even if it was just to watch a stupid movie because what was important to him was only to be with her. He understood that she represented the place in his mind where he goes when he's hurt to not feel the pain, even when he's not hurt actually. He thinks of her all the fucking time even when they're together. He just cannot stop thinking about Kensi. It's not possible and in fact he doesn't want to.

From the beginning of their partnership and then their friendship he cared so much about her. He was afraid that something would happen to her with their job so one day, a long time ago, he decided to always look after her. Because he wasn't sure that someone else would do it. And if anything woud happen to her Deeks wasn't quite certain that he could ever forgive himself. At first, this kind of bond terrified him because he was used to be alone, to feel alone, to take care of himself and just himself. But when Kensi entered his life, everything had been shaken up. His whole life became a beautiful mess and he didn't want to change it. He loved it too much. He wasn't ready to let her go yet and he might never be. How would you go back to your old life after knowing the only person who can make you genuinely smile ? You wouldn't.

He then said his goodbye to the men who were still talking and laughing and got out as fast as possible. He felt a little bit dizzy after all the drinks he had taken. According to his watch, it was now one in the morning. Great. He wanted to go to her place as drunk as he ever could be. She will just punch him in the arm repeatedly.

His brain wasn't reacting normally and he called out for a cab in the middle of the street. More like yelling and making big moves. There were few people on the streets but the ones who where around him were laughing openly at Deeks. From another point of view he was honestlty like a drunk fool and not having fun by seeing him wasn't an option. Thank God Sam and Callen weren't there to see him otherwise he knew he would have hear about it for the rest of his life. Even Kensi would have been helpless towards the two men from their team. Again, another smile appeared on his face when her name crossed his mind.

* * *

At some point he was in front of the door of her apartment. The bar was at least 40 minutes from her place and he didn't know how he did to get there in record time. Either he took a cab or he ran but he sure didn't fly.

Here he was, like attracted to her. He had to admit that having a night separated from her was hard. Harder than he ever thought it would be. Maybe it was due to the fact that their relationship was still new and at the beginning you don't want to leave the other one. Or maybe because he liked her too much and well... he needed her. All the time. It wasn't just for the sex. The very good sex by the way. Because he also loved being with her watching TV while eating take-out. Or just holding her in bed and talking about their day. It was what her prefered. Being able to hold her close because in the OSP they were supposed to be partners and nothing more. Friends at least but certainly not boyfriend and girlfriend. That secret was hard to keep even though they did a lot of under cover cases in the past. Maybe it was related to the fact that they were lying to their friends not random people they'll never see after.

Everything was easy with her. He didn't have to think of a discussion because everything just came out so naturally. He could be truly him and it felt nice to finally be able to be with someone who likes you for you who are. He was really glad to feel this for the first time of his life and he wanted to keep this feeling for the rest of his days.

But anyway, he was there, knocking on her door too loudly. He was even yelling her name to make her reach the door faster. And when she did openend the door he immediately thought how flawless she was, even in pajamas and with tousled hair. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. But who could actually ? Certainly not him.

"Hey." She whispered, just waking up by the too noisy Deeks.

"Aren't you supposed to be with Matt and Luke tonight ?" She said yawning.

"I sooo wanted to see you Fern. Your apartment is in the dark. Why your apartment is in the dark ? Were you sleeping ? Because it's too early to sleep. The night is still yoooung !" He came in turning around, obviously searching for the swith. Vainly. "I want Tequila. Do you have Tequila ? I'm kinda thirsty."

"Ohh I can believe you. Come on we're going to put you to bed now. I think you need it more than me. Or you will in the morning." She laughed soflty before taking his hand and guided him to her room in order to make him sit on her bed. It wasn't a simple task. For both of them.

"You could have come. You should have come because the booze was awesome ! And you would have meet my friends. Next time you're in Fern !"

"We'll see about that when your hangover will be over." She took off his shoes before his jacket and put his stuff on the floor.

She wasn't pissed off at all of course. He looked really adorable when he was drunk but a drunk Deeks meant a couch for Kensi. And this, she didn't think was adorable.

She kissed him tenderly and stroked his cheek before getting up.

"Okay, have a good night."

She switched off the light but before she could even reach the door of her bedroom she heard a slight « I think I love you.» from Deeks. She looked back at him as quietly as possible but he was already fast asleep with one leg on the bed and the other in the air. She couldn't help herself and smiled in the darkness of the room.

Well she might think that too.


	5. Chapter 5 : Emergency

_**Remember...no link between the chapters. Tell me what you think the next letter will be and obviously what you thought about this chapter. Thank you so much for the follows/favs/reviews from last week. I hope the problem of quotation is solved btw. And if not then let me know because I'm afraid some of you still can't see the "". I really want to fix this :)  
**_

 _ **Remember, English isn't my mother tongue so if there's any mistake please let me know so I can improve in class.**_

 _ **Have a nice day and night here in France.**_

* * *

 **Chapter 5 : Emergency**

Deeks had been sitting at his desk on this late afternoon of November. The team resolved their case after two days of hard work, no sleep and a couple of murders but finally, it was over. Their day was over and his bed was waiting for his comeback. He felt more than tired and all he wanted to do was go home and sleep for the rest of the week. He could barely stand on his feet but unfortunately, his day was far from over because of the woman he loved. Obviously. He was comfortably sitting in his chair when his phone buzzed. He looked at it and you could see fear in his eyes. He got up and left the bullpen as fast as he could. The guys stared at him, not understanding what happened with him and why he ran towards the door without saying anything. They looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

But if something happened to her he didn't know how he would continue his life without her. It wasn't a possibility for him and to be sure that she was safe and sound he came home quickly. It was like he couldn't breathe normally, knowing that something was wrong with her. He just couldn't breathe.

You could read on his phone three texts from Kensi. They were more capital letters in these texts than he ever saw.

 **Kensi** **:** Come home ASAP.

 **Kensi** **:** It's an EMERGENCY !

 **Kensi** **:** DEEKS !

He was praying in his car that nothing happened to his girl. A lot of scripts came through his mind. A killer might be in the living room, or she felt sick, or she fell and was hurt badly. He saw blood and Kensi on the floor unconscious. He was over thinking as if his mind couldn't stop from doing it. Deeks was on the road, yelling at every other drivers due to the fact that they were too slow for him. In the meantime, he tried to reach her but either her phone died or it was her but all he had was her voicemail. Thinking about this made him sicker than he already was and the fact that his heartbeat was fast wasn't something he could handle. He was pretty sure he was about to throw up when a driver rolled right in front of him and he had to slow down. He didn't had the time for these bullshits for God's sake ! She was waiting for him, maybe in pain and he was stuck by this stupid man. Deeks was hitting his wheel because she wasn't picking up. Maybe she couldn't pick up because she was held by an abductor. And the scripts began all over again.

You could hear his screams and complaint from the other car. He was freaking out and nothing could make him feel better except to see her safe. He sent her a thousand texts but no reply came so he threw out his phone at the back of his car. He started talking to himself out loud and well, usually you would have laugh at him but at this moment he was truly scared and all you would have done was comfort him and telling him that of course she was fine. And if not, then he will fix it with her. Everything will be okay. That is what he was telling himself when he parked his car in the driveway of the house.

He was standing in front of the door, not moving at all anymore. He couldn't open it and saw her miserable or worse, in pain.. He just wanted to see her smiling because let's face it, she was even more beautiful when she did. He tried for a minute to imagine how his life would be if she wasn't with him anymore. He would probably tell Hetty that he was done with NCIS and LAPD, not telling Sam and Callen that he had quit and just leave without looking back. He would take Monty, his stuff from the house and go. Everywhere but not here. He would need to start everything again but he was sure of one thing. Trusting someone and falling in love might not be for him after all.

Okay.

He could do it.

Everything will be okay.

Deeks stepped inside very quietly so if any killer was with her he could kill him without endangering her. He tried to breathe with one hand on his gun and came into the room they've been sharing for more than two years now. He knew this house by heart and he loved the fact that it was theirs. It took them a long time to figure their thing out but they were happy and the rest of the team knew about their relationship. You could say they were cool with it even though Sam tried to step between them. Sam felt like he had to protect her at any cost but with time he understood that he couldn't do anything but let them be happy with each other. They deserved it after all. Deeks was so not ready to give up on his new life built with Kensi.

For a second he closed his eyes, trying to listen at the sound that came from the room but all he heard was these stupid noises from the Titanic movie she was watching all the time. He practically knew every dialogue now. He pushed the door and his gun was now in both of his hands, ready to defend her if she needed it. But when he came in all he saw was Kensi lying on their bed, a hand on her belly stroking it gently. She looked at him and smiled brightly.

"Good ! You're finally here ! I've been waiting for you for so long Marty. Where were you ?"

He couldn't talk. Nothing was wrong, she was perfectly fine, the baby too and there wasn't any murderer in their home. He didn't understand anything and he felt suddenly exhausted as if all the pressure was evaporating.

"You said it was an emergency ! Fuck Kensi ! I almost had a car accident for nothing ? I hope this is a funny joke because right now I'm so not laughing !" He put his gun on the shelf and took a look everywhere just to be sure.

"Well it's an emergency. Pumpkin and I are craving for french fries and you know I can't get up. Plus it's your fault ! If you hadn't told the doctor that I went to OSP last week I would still be able to go and buy our food myself." She sat properly on the bed, looking at him with a small smirk.

"We need to set rules because your "emergency code" nearly killed me from a heart attack." He was now beside her and he kissed her forehead before resting one hand on her belly. "Hey baby girl."

She rested against him, in his arms, and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. But I'm eating for two here." She took his hand and stroked it with her thumb. "How was your day ? Is the case over or you're taking a little break ?"

"It's done. We found the killer, everything's fine. Just french fries right ?"»

She nodded slowly and kissed him. "Thank you, Marty."

He got up and changed his shirt when a thought popped in his mind. "We really need to find a name for her you know."

"Yeah well, we'll figure this out with my food. Not before."

He chuckled quietly before taking his wallet. "Okay okay, I'm on my way. Don't fall asleep like always!"

"Too starving for it. Don't worry."

She smiled at him realising how much she was happy with him.


	6. Chapter 6 : Frustration

**Chapter 6** **:** **Frustration**

 _ **Hey people from the world. I hope you're okay and you had a good weekend. 6 more weeks and school is over for 2 weeks. Uh. Anyway, no happy ending in this chapter but don't worry there isn't any death or something. I like writing with Deeks' POV actually. I didn't know if the word « ear-flap » was okay so if you have one who matches better just let me know and I'll correct it. :)**_

 _ **Oh and please PLEASE tell me if you can see the quotation mark.**_

 _ **Reviews keep me happy so go ahead.**_

 _ **Bye from France. Noa  
**_

* * *

When Kensi exited the changing room of the bullpen in a skinny black dress and high heels, Deeks couldn't stop staring at her. She was the prettiest woman he ever saw. Her hair fell perfectly on her shoulders even though she didn't try to do anything with it. She was naturally perfect. God, he wanted to kiss her. But they didn't talk much since she was back from Afghanistan. He felt like he couldn't do much about it even though he wanted to hold her and never let her slip away. He wanted to be present for her because he knew she needed it after all that happened with Jack there. He was very aware of the fact that she had been hurt; and not just physically. So of course, they went to rescue her but when he saw the pain in her eyes he knew that she wasn't okay at all. She needed time. More than he thought but he couldn't do anything except wait for her. And this, he could definitely do. Unfortunately she wouldn't let him be with her for a certain amount of time. She acted stubbornly, like hiding from him. He was hopeless and all he wanted was to have his partner and his friend back. She had to left after their kiss and then when she came back none of them talked about it. He wanted to. Really. But he couldn't. Maybe because it was too hard to bring back good memories or because he didn't want to rush her because obviously she would withdraw into herself and he would lost her forever. If having a relationship with her wasn't something he could have then at least, she'll be his friend for as long as possible. He would make sure of it.

So when he saw her in this pretty dress he couldn't look elsewhere.

All he managed to say to her was « wow ». Before he lifted his head at her and blushed. Why was he blushing ? It wasn't him who got a compliment or was stunning. It was starting to be stupid. He was starting to be stupid. He then shook his head and sat again, looking everywhere but not at her.

"Miss Blye, if I hear the beautiful necklace I lent you is broke I will come after you when you least expect it." Hetty said seriously, staring at her.

"I'll be careful." She nodded, kind of scared to see Hetty at her place when it's pitch dark. She shook her head, trying to forget about this vision.

"I hope so. Don't forget, your undercover case consist of flirting with the man and making him talk about the bloodshed. Mr Deeks, I assume you will take care of her while Mr Callen and Mr Hanna will be outside of the club ? In case it turns out bad they will help you."

All he did was nodded, trying to breathe as quietly as possible because well, he had to admit he wasn't really okay with the fact that another guy will look at her in the way he did. And most importantly, that the guy could talk to her in the way he wanted to for so long. He had his fists clenched and he headed to the car without waiting for her. A big, very big, part of him wanted to see her dancing and be a little bit carefree in the night club but the other part of him was terrified. Terrified of what he could feel if someone was too close to her. What would he do ? Would he be able to stay still or would he jump on the guy because of the jealousy he had been feeling for too long ?

* * *

The car ride was too silent, even for them. She decided to turn the radio on and sing the lyrics of a dumb song but all he could hear was his own thoughts. Too many questions were on his head and they were all about her. Someday, the need to tell her is going to be out of control and the words will come out of his mouth by themselves. But not tonight. Tonight was all about finding the murderer, arresting him and going back home to get some sleep and most importantly, silencing these thoughts. He could do that. Right? He parked the car at the back of the nightclub, already hearing the music coming from inside. He let out a big sigh and stepped out of their black car.

"Cheer up Deeks ! It's gonna be fun." Kensi said, smiling while going inside. Already dancing in order to be unnoticed.

He whispered more to himself : "it depends for whom." He shook his head quickly in order to give him a little bit of brave. Calm was all he felt. Approximatively at least. He joined the stairs of the crowded place to be able to see Kensi and still be discret.

* * *

After almost 10 minutes of making bad jokes in their ear-flap, Kensi saw the man who murdered dozens of people and decided to go and talk to him. Or more flirting like Hetty said. Deeks could obviously hear everything she said to him and all of this felt so odd to him. He was staring at her, ready to run and help her if she needed him but seeing her like that; laughing and smiling to this man was dreadful. He wanted to join her downstairs and and take her home. Say her all he wanted to say for months. Maybe years now. And finally, he wanted to kiss and never stop. But was it possible ? No. Of course not. They had something to do which was important for them but mainly for the families of the victims.

When the suspect tried to escape from her, they had to run and chase him in the streets to arrest him. Few punches later, he was at the back of a police car. The night had been tough especially for Deeks but he managed to do it. He mentally congratulated himself because his thoughts remained in his mind for the night, when Kensi appeared in front of him.

"Do you want to go grab a drink or eat something ?" She asked shyly. More shyly than she wanted to sound.

"I think I'll just go home." He shrugged while thinking that it wasn't true unless she was with him.

"Is everything alright ? You don't sound like yourself today."

"I'm just exhausted ... about everything actually. It's fine. You should go home and rest." He sighed louder than he wanted to but God, he couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't act like nothing happened, like he was feeling nothing, like he hadn't fell for her a long time ago !

"If you want I can come with you and eat at your place."

And suddenly he couldn't take it. Either he tell her how he felt or he would create a distance because apparently she didn't want to be with him. At least not in the way he wanted. That's why he responded a harshly no. He put his hands in his pockets and looked behind her, avoiding her gazes. Obviously she knew that something was off with him but she had no clue. For the first time of her life Kensi Blye was clueless.

"I need to go. I'm sorry I can't do that. I just can't." He moved towards his car almost running, searhing for his keys.

"See you tomorrow. Right ?" She said at him, yelling to be heard. To be sure that he wouldn't ignore her. He always said that she was stubborn but he could be too when he wanted.

"Yeah. I have no other choice actually."

That sentence hurt her. She didn't show it evidently but it did. What did she do to him ? She wanted to understand to be able to help him and them because apparently they had a problem but she didn't know.

He felt bad for saying that but she needed to understand him and his feelings. She wasn't the only one to feel things. He was too.

And in one night, frustration was beginning again for both of them.

He went home and straight to bed, not being able to fall asleep. He couldn't silence his thoughts and guilt was added to that now. As far as she was concerned, she watched a stupid comedy trying to forget about the evening and about what he said to her. During the car ride to go back home, being alone, she speaked aloud. She truly wanted to figure out what was happening but well, she was exhausted too !

All over again, their bad communication skills won.


	7. Chapter 7 : Gun

**Chapter 7** **:** **Gun**

 **I'm sorry I didn't post this chapter last sunday as I always do, but with all that happened this week, I just couldn't find the time to finish it. Same for inspiration. Anyway here it is if you're still reading this fanfiction. Remember, I'm not talking english everyday so if there are any mistakes, tell me.**

 _ **Do you know the word in H for the next chapter ? Let me know if you have any idea and you'll see if it's the same as I had.  
**_

 **Reviews make happy :)**

 **with all my love from France.  
**

* * *

Kensi woke up with the sunlight through the window of their apartment. It was a little more than 6am when she opened her eyes, curled up to Deeks. Them waking up together had been their routine for a year and time had flies so fast. They had moved together a few months ago, tired of living in two places at the time. They were also tired of keeping it a secret and they decided to tell everyone in the office. Obviously, Hetty knew about it long before Kensi and Deeks even knew they had a thing for each other. That was kind of scary but they got used to it. Like everyone actually. It was weird at the beginning because they had to leave their relationship and love life at home and just be partners during days. It was so odd ; but they did put up boundaries with their partnership. After work, they often visited apartments and houses until they found their cute little place that they could finally call home. Their home. It was just in front of the beach so Deeks could go and surf whenever he wanted and Kensi would be there with Monty, watching him. Even though there were some fights between the both of them for futilities they loved living together. It felt just right to be with him like that. For the first time since Jack, Kensi felt like she was happy. Truly happy with the way her life was. And all of this was because of one person. Her person.

She watched him sleep and noticed how peaceful he was at that very moment. It happened rarely with their jobs but when it did, his face was truly beautiful. All she wanted to do was stay beside him. He was usually the first to wake up so watching him asleep for once was so great. Everyone knew how much Kensi loved her bed and her sleep, that is why it was hard to make her go out of the bed in the morning. And the fact that she was already awake at that time was strange, even for her, and it didn't predicted anything good for the rest of the day.

She snuggled in his arms and kissed his jaw hoping he would wake up fast.

"Hmm. Just one more minute." He said, mumbling, in his sleep. His eyes were still closed when he felt something on him. Or more someone.

She got closer and whispered in his ear : "I'm gonna take a shower. Hope you'll come." She started to get out of their bed when he woke up, faster than The Flash and he heard her laugh.

"Oh my God, I so knew it would work !"

He took her in his arms in order to put her on his shoulder and went to the bathroom. They both laughed and she slapped his ass.

Their day couldn't have started better but it sure as hell could have ended better too.

* * *

The team was supposed to arrest a man who tried to kill them by playing a sort of perverse game. He called them on a disposable cell and made them run everywhere in the city during the whole day. The trick was that if they didn't do what he wanted them to do, he threatened them by saying that he was about to kill dozens of people in the streets. Or even kill a member of their families. Thanks to Eric and Nell they found him. Callen and Sam were in one car and Kensi and Deeks were in the other ; they were all heading to the center of Los Angeles to stop this masquerade as fast as possible. They hoped the day would end so they could finally all go home and have the right to rest. Kensi and Deeks were making plans for the night which contain take-out, movies and their new cozy coutch.

Unfortunately it didn't turn out like this at all !

* * *

Kensi was the sniper in this case. She was the best they could have, like always. She was posted on the roof to be able to have an eye on everyone. Especially on the bad guys. Everything was under control, the three men of her team found the guy, and they were talking to him. Hoping he would let his gun on the ground and surrender. But at some point it all turned out bad.

She was all alone with her ear-flap on when she saw the man pointing his gun at Deeks. He had to drop his gun right away to avoid being killed. For a brief moment she couldn't breathe, move or think. And she was pretty sure her heart couldn't beat either. She obviously wanted to shoot the man but this smartass was in front of the guy she loved. There. She said it. She loved him so much and she never told him during the months, even the years, they had spent together. Few hours ago, everything was fine and they were happily in love. How could it be so wrong ? Kensi didn't want to watch the scene but in the meantime she couldn't take her eyes off of them. And because the man was in front of Deeks, she couldn't shoot him or the bullet could reach Deeks. For an unknown reason, Sam and Callen weren't moving. She desperately wanted to find the solution but if it was risking his life ; she would need to think about it for more than one second. She managed to say a « don't move.» hoping he would hear her through his ear-flap.

"Please don't make anything stupid. Don't play the hero here."

Unfortunately, she couldn't see the face of the man she was in love with, so she wouldn't be able to see a sign or something to tell her everything would turn out ok. She needed to feel safe but so do him that's why she tried to put her fear aside.

"I do not allow you to die right now." Kensi wanted to scream and never stop. She wanted to break everything around her but there was just dust and it was unnecessary.

"Guys ! Help him ! Don't just stay here and do nothing !"

No sound was coming through her ear-flap and she understood something was off with all of them. She wanted to be with them and help him as much as she could. Although their only advantage over him was the fact that the man didn't know she was here, ready to pull the trigger. She needed to find a solution but her feet were not working. She still couldn't move. That felt so weird to her because she wasn't the kind of girl who loses her temper. On the contrary, generally, she always was so calm and quiet on situations like this one. What was happening to her ? It couldn't just be because she was in love with him. Love isn't supposed to do that to you, right ?

She shook her head for a second to try to think back. She had to think and help him. They didn't move and the man was still talking to them, telling how funny it was for him to be in this position.

"Stay still." she said, with her mouth still opened as if she wanted to say something else. For a minute she thought if it was the right time to tell it but then, she understood that there might not be another moment for them.

"I love you. I think you need to know that I do love you and you'll be okay. We'll be okay. I promise I'm going to take care of it. Just don't move."

She heard Deeks whispered a slight "ok." while she closed her eyes. He had his bullet proof vest and was trained to act in this sort of event. She was telling this on repeat to herself to give her courage. She had no other solutions but shoot.

She could do it.

She had to do it.

She pulled the trigger and saw them both fell on the floor. The world was spinning around her. She was aware of the blood too but she couldn't think of it or she would probably collapse.

"Sam is he okay ? Sam !"

Because she didn't hear an answer from him, she decided to run downstairs and watch for herself. During the running, her mind was off, like asleep. Thinking wasn't possible and well, she didn't want to. Kensi knew that she would automatically think of him as a dead corpse. Then she would think of the funeral, how to tell his mom, how to go back on her life and do the same. But without him. Life without him seemed less awesome that was for sure.

When she pushed the door, she saw a lot of police cars and ambulances. It was like chaos. In her mind and in reality.

She looked everywhere but didn't see her colleagues and started to freak out. She needed to find him, to know that he wasn't hurt. That she didn't kill him because she wouldn't be able to forgive herslef even though she had to try and do something. She felt like she was about to puke and collapse in the middle of this big mess. She saw the man, being moved elsewhere but there was no sign of Deeks. She stared at everywhere and finally, after all this time, she saw him in an ambulance. He was sitting at the back, being examined by the doctor. In one second, the air was less heavy, her brain less dizy and her legs started to work again. She moved fast and he was in her arms before she could even understand it. She was suddenly shivering and it was unstoppable.

"It's fine. I'm fine. Kens, you did the right thing. I'm not even hurt."

All she could do at that moment was nodding at him. She also hold him in her arms intensely just to be sure that he was there with her, that he wouldn't disappear right away.

"I love you too, you know. I couldn't talk earlier but I also want you to know that I love you." He kissed her forehead while tightening her.

Indeed, everything will turn out okay because they were together.


	8. Chapter 8 : Home

**Chapter 8** **:** **Home**

 **First of all, I'd like to thank you for the favs/follows/reviews. Especially for the review of you, the other french girl (or boy who knows). You wrote about Paris and its terrorist attacks that happened on the 13** **th** **. I hope you and your family are fine, even if you live in another city of France. Anyway, you were right about the word. Maybe some of you also thought the title would be «home». I've been working on this since last weeks and I hope you'll enjoy it.**

 **Tell me if you have any ideas about the next chapter which we'll be with the «i» letter.**

 **Reviews make me happy in a world that doesn't.**

 **All my love from France, noa.**

* * *

It had been a long day, and when Kensi understood that she had to stay late to finish some paperwork, related to a crucial case, she wanted to cry and then fall asleep on her desk. Maybe both at the same time. She felt extremely tired and the big amount of files on her desk didn't help the feeling. But it was her job and she was happy to help people when she had the chance because she really loved her work. As if it was made for her.

She might have been that exhausted because of her nightly activities with Deeks for the past few weeks. Clearly no complains here. She loved the fact that, finally, they were as close as she wanted them to be. It took them so many years to get there but it was more enjoyable than ever. And the fact that she knew he felt the same about their relationship, was fantastic ! They were, for once, both happy and all she wanted to do was enjoy this feeling because it might not last forever.

Everyone had left the bullpen except her and that was boring. She prefered to be on the streets or even do undercover cases because paperwork felt like a nightmare. And the fact that her partner wasn't there to make stupid jokes and comments about how her desk was messy was even more horrible. She wanted to finish it super quick in order to go to Deeks' apartment for the night. More like for the weeks but who cared ? Surely not her.

* * *

When she went through the door, Kensi wanted to fall asleep and wake up a week or two after. But she saw some take-out from Yummy Yummy Heart Attack on the table and a Deeks on the couch, picking a movie. Monty was on the carpet, sleeping like a baby. She couldn't help but smile a little bit at that vision of a nice night with him. That was all she wanted. She sat beside him, in silence, and put her head on his shoulder. She still had her jacket on but the tiredness hit her so much that she was so lazy to do it.

"Hey. You okay ?" Deeks asked, strongly hugging her. "You finished your work after all. It took you forever to do it."

She could hear his laugh and grinned too. "Not funny. You could have waited for me 'cause I was all alone there." Kensi frowned and looked at him.

"And wait for four more hours ? No thanks. But I did bought food for the night because I assumed you would stay." Hope was a better word than assumed, but he didn't want to say it because he feared she would escape as soon as he would confess his feelings for her.

"Super great opportunity to watch Titanic by the way."

He looked up, smiling, and drew her to him in the couch.

"Another choice would have surprised me !" he kissed her cheek, laughing, and started to eat beside her.

* * *

For the first time Deeks was really into the movie and doing good comments about it, she couldn't focus. She couldn't focus on her favorite movie or on Deeks' hand on her thigh. She just thought about how her life looked and what put her here. She thought about what she had been through since college was over, her father died, Jack left her one morning, NCIS had started, Dom was murdered and so many traumatic events in her life that made her stronger. Good stuff also happened to her because she was able to count on people for the first time in her life. She knew she had Sam and Callen who will always be there to support her, same for Nell and Eric obviously. The big change was Deeks. He'll be there, by her side, for everything in her life. Good and bad. He would never judge her because she was the only one who could truly understand him. They were alike because of their crappy childhood and their strength. Having something to rely on terrified her too. What if she lost everything ? What if they would decide to drop her and move on with their lifes ? But in the same time, even though everybody could agree that she didn't had an easy start in life now, everything was okay. Her friends and mom were okay so she was too. She didn't had the choice.

She was so lost in her own thoughts she didn't notice Deeks had stopped the movie and was looking at her. He hugged her tightly and got closer to her ear.

"Kens. You're sure everything's fine ?" Deeks said in an undertone. He started to worry about her. A part of him wanted her to say what was going because she had the tendency to close on herself and remain quiet for days; but the other wanted her to take her time, order her own thoughts in peace and then come to him.

She stared at him, realising that no sound were coming from the movie since nearly two minutes and that he was deeply looking at her in concern. She nodded in silence and tried to smile.

"I'm fine, I was just thinking about old memories. Don't worry about it. And yes, before you say it, I know I can talk to you whenever I want."

Deeks made a bad attempt at smiling and opened his mouth to respond: "It's all I wanted to know for now." He put the movie back and continued to watch it as if nothing happened. He knew it was the best thing to do at that moment. He just needed to give her some space, not push her.

She started to think again. Thinking about how delighted she was to have him. Either as a friend or as a lover. Both were fine with her as long as she had him in her life.

And then, she realised something.

She had find her home. All of this felt like home to her and God, she loved it.

She put her head on the crook of his neck and took his hand, to watch the end of the movie. Although she knew it by heart.

Kensi let out a soft "Thank you." against his skin.

He nodded slowly, still watching the TV screen but you could see a smile on his face. She was starting to open up more to him. Finally. Maybe they could go past their bad communication skills.


	9. Chapter 9 : Ideal

**Chapter 9 :** **Ideal**

 **Hey everyone ! Hope you're okay. Two more weeks and it's finally holidays I just cannot wait for it ! Plus I might go to London YAYAYAY ! Here's my chapter, I hope you'll like it. If you have any idea about the chapter in « J » tell me and you'll see if it's the same as my idea :).**

 **Don't forget to review to let me know your opinion. Reading you makes me happy.**

 **Have a goodnight from France. Noa  
**

* * *

Deeks couldn't sleep. It was past 4 am and he couldn't sleep because he was over thinking about everything that happened in his life. He thought about how miserable he felt for a big amount of time from his childhood to NCIS. It took him one or two hours to remember everything that had happened to him. He honestly had had a rough start in life and tried his best to move past it. But it was hard when everyone was sure that you were useless.

He then decided that he needed to stop thinking about his past. It wasn't going to change and he just had to accept it and live with it ! It was the only way to be happy or at least move on from this period of his life.

That's why he told himself that thinking about his future would be better for him. For the first time in his life he was able to do it. Because he wasn't alone anymore, he had his team but most importantly, he had Kensi. She was his partner, his bestfriend and finally, his girlfriend. It felt so odd to call her like that. He wasn't really used to it. Three more weeks and it would be a year spent together. He didn't see the time fly but he sure as hell enjoyed it ! All he could think of was WOW. Wow because when he started to work with her, a few years ago, he wouldn't have been able to believe that they were about to be involved together. As a couple. He had to admit it, he thought she hated him. Despite his bad jokes, she wasn't nice at all towards him but he finally understood why. Because of her former partner. She felt like it was on her and even though they didn't know each other for more than a month, he desperately wanted to comfort her. And he couldn't do anything about it. But a lot had happened to them during this year and they were still together. They were stronger either at home or in the field. It felt better than ever for the both of them. Even in the darkness of their room, you would have been able to see his bright smile. He honestly couldn't help it ! Everytime he thought about her, about her smile or how they were, he immediately smiled. She was like the light in his life, she was the one who brought hope in his sadness. It was such a cliche but it also was the truth and he was so thankful about it.

He turned his head to the clock and saw that it was way past for 4 am and felt her move against him. He knew her so well. For example, he knew that just before she was about to wake up, Kensi would make a slight sound with her mouth. He was pretty sure he knew more about herself than himself actually. But it was okay because he was more interested in her than himself. He wanted to learn every small things about her and was going to do it ! Even if it would take him time, he had it. And he would take the time to do so.

"Why aren't you asleep ? Everything's okay ?" She kissed his neck before putting the blanket over them; still not letting him go with her hand over his arm.

Deeks hugged her and nodded. "Just thinking. Go back to sleep."

"Do you want to talk about it ?" She said, looking at him, wide awake.

"I thought about Sidorov and what happened with Sam and Michelle. Also mostly my dad." She felt him tense against her but also felt helpless. She knew he needed to talk about it to move on and really started his life. That's why she let him continue without talking. She just tight his hand to let him be aware with the fact that she was here with him. She wouldn't leave him.

"From time to time I think of what would have happened if I dind't shoot him. It was self-defense, I had no choice because he wanted to hurt us again and again and I couldn't take it anymore. I noticed how mom was exhausted by him so I know that, I really do. But maybe, just maybe, he wanted to change. For us. I don't know really." He let out a big sigh and rubbed his face, more tired of rehashing his past than because he had had no sleep, except from the night before.

"You were just a kid. You made the right choice, the one which allowed you two to get out of there and be safe. I'm not saying this to make you feel better. Even though I want it. I'm saying this because you need to realise once and for all that it wasn't your fault. You did what you could, trust me."

Deeks didn't say a word because he was so stubborn. It was the only point where he didn't believe what she said to him. So he didn't move and closed his eyes for a while. He wanted to trust her about this but it was harder than it seemed. Deep down he truly knew it was their last chance to be safe and have a life where they could live in happiness but at the same time, he needed proof. Proof that shooting his father at this age was the best solution they had.

"I started to think about you. It makes me happier."

She let out a giggle before saying "I hope so."

"For the first I have an ideal for my life. It feels great actually." He reopened his eyes to stare at her.

"Tell me about it."

"Well, you're in it obviously. And it's about a house next to the beach with little ninja assassins with fantastic hair running in the backyard !" Since the begining of their talk, she felt him relaxed, not stressed out at all. And she saw him grin.

"Indeed, it seems nice. Plus I know you'd be an amazing dad."

"I won't be like mine I promise it to you."

"I'm not even afraid about this, Marty. And I hope you're not too."

He nodded and kissed her. It was like a silent thank you. And the best was that she understood it because they didn't need words. They just understood each other. Maybe it's what true love is. When you don't have to talk to understand the other person. It's just easy. There's no bad communication skills here. Not at all.

"Of course Monty is here !"

"Obviously. I can't wait for it too." Kensi laughed soflty. "But first, you do need to sleep. Stop thinking and just fall asleep."

Deeks mouthed a slim "okay." already falling asleep while the sun was entering their room through the window. He just had the time to realise that she had the power to calm him and make him feel better. Even when she just listened to him complain about his crappy childhood. That was why he loved her so much. Because his Kens was such a kind and gentle person and she needed too, to realise that her past didn't define her. He promised himself that he would make her realise it.

He wanted to make her as happy as she did with him. And he would do it because he was going to have plenty of time in their house next to beach.


	10. Chapter 10 : Jealousy

**Chapter 10 :** **Jealousy**

 **Hey so here's the new chapter, I hope you'll like and everything. Tell me if you have any idea for the chapter in the « K » word and you'll see if it's the same idea as me.**

 **Don't forget to review because it makes me happy and it help to continue writing it. :)**

 **good night from France ! :)**

* * *

When Kensi rang on the door, she felt tiredness coming through her whole body. It was only 9 am and she was already tired as fuck. Maybe it was due to the fact that she lived in two places at a time. She had her apartment and slept at Deeks' for most of the nights. Because their relationship started a few months before, none of them wanted to rush things between them. It had been so complicated for the both of them to, first, accept the feelings they felt and, finally, tell the other and make it work. They really wanted to make it work for so long but Kensi was afraid of loosing him. She was afraid of him, leaving her like everyone did in her life. Deeks, for his part, was scared about the fact that maybe, just maybe, she would tell him to fuck off. She would let him know, that the only feelings she had for him was friendly ones. And then, nothing would be like it used to be between them. It would just be awkward and he didn't want to experience this situation. That's why it took them years to let the other know that yes, they more than liked each other and yes, they wanted to try being together because life is too short to do nothing about it and remain silent. And it worked well actually. They wanted to keep it a secret because with the hardness of their jobs, they wanted to have something just for them. Somehting which was full of happiness. Just for a short moment.

When she saw the man opening his door, she stopped thinking about her life and her feelings towards Deeks and started to act professionally. She had a job to do.

"I was waiting for you." He looked everywhere in the street to be sure that she was all alone. "Come on, hurry up I don't want to end up dead !"

"So, I'm supposed to look after you and be sure that you won't be hurt. Is that okay if I sit here ? I'm going to be here until the case is solved." She started to look at everything in the room to figure him out. She was actually quite good at it. No photos on the walls or on the table, plus no wedding ring meant that he was alone. No family around him. She saw a gun at the back of his jean and believed he had a knife as well. He was a Marine and knew how to defend himself after all. She could understand this with the childhood she had.

He nodded and sit on the couch too. "One of your colleagues went and put cameras here early this morning. I don't see why you'd have to come. I can handle these men by my own."»

"Oh I know you can."

* * *

While Sam And Callen went outside the bullpen to follow a lead on the murder of the Marine's friends, Deeks stayed to help out. Eric put the camera's video on the screen to be able to keep an eye on Kensi in case she needed help.

He really did try not to look at her too much but that was hard. You know this feeling when you love someone and all you want to do is look at her during the whole day ? Well, Deeks was experiencing it. That was new but not too bad actually. But because he was surrounded by his coworkers he couldn't stare at her like he wanted to. Of course he wanted to keep it a secret for some time, but there were moments where he couldn't do it. Especially when Callen asked her if she had crappy dates again because no, she hadn't. And when they joked about her sad love life he so wanted to yell at them and say that he was here. He was her boyfriend and the jokes had to stop. But Hetty would hear and that would be weird. That was for sure ! So he tried to focus on the case and be ready to help Nell or Eric.

* * *

Kensi was on the couch, drinking a glass of water and sure as hell hoped the end of the case would come soon. Even though she was exhausted, she could notice he was flirting with her. At the beginning she didn't really care about it because it was just terrible pick up lines, smiles and jokes. Obviously, she talked about something else everytime he tried something because first, her boyfriend was watching and second, she was so not interested. But when he put his hand on her thigh she stood up and remained against the window for most of the day. She was an independent woman, everyone could agree, and she could defend herself but she was also aware that she couldn't beat him. Her job was to protect him, not to beat him up. But do not mistake yourself, she knew the difference between someone who is harassing you and someone who is lost because of the loss of his friends. She knew he was truly lost and not himself at the moment so she decided to stay up and just be sure that no one would come and try to hurt him like they did with his friends. Then, she saw him going to the kitchen, hands in pocket.

It was goingn to be a long day, right ?

* * *

His fists were clenched. Same for his jaw. That was all he could do ! He saw him touching his girlfriend, his Kens, and couldn't do anything but being completely nuts in his mind. Of course, he trusted her. He had trusted her for so many years now but when he saw and heard him with her, he couldn't handle it. That was jealousy. He could feel it in his bones. He was jealous because this man was touching her and he couldn't. He couldn't hold her hand at the office or in public. He couldn't kiss her or just hold her in his arms like he wanted to. And it was hard to live like that.

Honestly it was harder for him than for her. He knew he dind't have to be afraid about her being hurt because she was able to defend herself plus there were cops parked in front of the house. If she was in danger, all she had to do was scream and help would be on the way.

But it occured to him that maybe, one day, she would realise that he was just Marty Deeks. Nothing was fancy or incredible about him and he thought, at this moment, that it was taking her quite some time to figure it out. Maybe, she would leave him the minute she understood it. Or she would break up with him when someone better than him would come. He was a marine after all. That was brave and great. So, this man had a link with her. They knew the same environment and acted in kind of the same way. Whereas Deeks couldn't find any common points with the woman who shared his life for a certain amount of time. And even though Deeks saw her leave to go to the opposite of him, he wasn't at ease.

He mumbled something quickly and exited the room. He needed to breathe and calm himself. At this moment, he needed to be comforted. Not about Kensi and the fact that she could possibly cheat. Because deep down he knew she wouldn't do it. She wasn't a cheater at all. But more about him and the fact that yes, he was enough. He would always be.

Deeks went back inside and tried his best to look normal, like everything was okay with him.

It was going to be a long day, he could feel it.

* * *

Kensi picked up her phone and smiled for the first time of the day. The case was over. Hetty allowed her to go home and do the paperwork the day after. Two good news within three minutes.

"You're safe. My team arrested the men who killed your friends. You can try and bring closure in your life now."

For the first time since she was here, she put her hand on his shoulder. It was a way for her to let him know that everything would be okay. He would make it through this hard period. He nodded and opened his mouth to say sorry about earlier but before he had any chance, Kensi was outisde. She just couldn't wait to fall alseep on her boyfriend's bed.

* * *

When Deeks came inside his own house, he saw her on the couch eating. As usual. He sat beside her, having the idea of talking about how he had felt during the whole day but she didn't let him. She kissed him lovingly and got closer to him.

"I wanted to wait for you but I was just so hungry." She said it with this cute little face that he couldn't resist to. He nodded quietly and kissed her again.

She was here, with him. She was kissing him, not some guy outside. So yes, maybe he was enough after all.


	11. Chapter 11 : Kiddo

**Chapter 11 :** **Kiddo**

 **Hey everyone ! So it's finally the holidays and I can't wait to go to London tomorrow omg ! I hope you'll have a nice break, same for Christmas with your family/friends.**

 **I don't really know if I made the good choice between worse/worst so if you know how to choose between the two, please tell me. :)**

 **Don't forget to review to tell me what yoou liked about it and what are my mistakes because don't forget that English isn't my native language.**

 **Love from France.**

* * *

"Hey kiddo ! What are you doing here on your own ?" Deeks asked when he came to the living room to find his daughter, Sophia, sitting on the couch while looking at the photos album. The past seven years had been tough and unforgettable for the three of them. First, there were their job at NCIS which became more complicated when Sophia arrived because Kensi and Deeks started to be more afraid of never coming home. It always had been an uneasy job but when it was just the two of them, they could handle the pain, the distance, the losses and the death. They were built for this. They were adults after all so it was easier for them to live with this kind of feelings but for a child, it was way more harsh to cope with the loss of a parent or an uncle. Because yes, their co-workers were Sophia's family too. They all loved the little girl and took her out most of the time. Plus, it was hard for Kensi to let her child to her mother when they had to go undercover because, even though time had flown, she wouldn't be able to trust her with all her heart. Kensi was afraid that Sophia would end up disappointed by Julia like she had been when she was a kid. That was hard for her, and Deeks was aware of this so when his own mother could, she had the little girl until they came home. Sometimes Nell and Eric would babysitt her with their own son. Because, finally, they admitted their feelings to each other a few years ago. It was a surprise just for them because the rest of team knew something was going on from the beginning. They just needed enough time to see it. But it wasn't the only difficult things to deal with for this family. Despite the healthy pregnancy, Kensi had to give birth under very bad conditions. Deeks wasn't there, there was no hospital and most importantly, no medicine to calm her. She didn't want to talk about it after, because she had been strong enough to give birth and her baby was safe and sound. That was what mattered for her so Deeks let her breathe and gave her time. At first, he tried to talk about it with her but it was like he talked to a wall everytime he tried so he figured out she would come to him whenever she would be ready. Don't mistake yourself, these years were also fulfilled with happiness and joy especially when they were at home just the three of them. They had more good memories than bad, that was for sure. And they thanked God for this every single day of their lives.

"You never told me how you met mom." Sophia asked her dad, still looking at the photographs, when she heared him coming towards her.

He sat beside her and then put her on his lap to be able to look at them with her. It took him just a glance to see that she was staring at their wedding pictures. He could remember this day perfectly ! It had been one the best day of his life. Of their lives. They chose to do a tiny wedding with their friends and co-workers who became their family after so many hard times together. Sophia wasn't born yet but was on her way and it couldn't have been more perfect. Sometimes, when things turned really bad for him because of his job, he remembered this day to think about something beautiful instead of pain and sadness. It always helped him to get through it. Well, thinking about Kensi's smile always helped him to get better.

"Well, my little ninja, you know mom and I are supposed to arrest bad guys together right ?" He waited for her to nod, gazing at him with her big blue eyes. Sophia was a mini Deeks with her blue eyes and blond hair. But she was like Kensi when it was a matter of temper and feelings. "So a long time ago, I came and started to work with her to help and protect her. Even though you know mommy doesn't need anyone to protect herself. She's a real kickass !" Deeks laughed a little bit thinking about how much his wife was independent. They were the same on this point. They both thought that they could count on no one but their own person before meeting each other. That was what they learned from their crappy childhoods. And then, they met and they understood that we all need someone to get through life. They started to be this person for the other one, in order to let go of this bad habit.

"What did you tell yourself when you saw her for the first time ?"

"I knew she had been through hard times and I understood why she was mean to me, because I wasn't really welcome you know. I always had a bad timing. So I started to make jokes to make my own place among the team. And especially to make her laugh. All I wanted to do was make her laugh because when I arrived, she wasn't really a smiling person. I remember thinking that she was beautiful. She didn't even try to look good and that's what make her perfect to me. You could notice her in the room even when she stayed quiet. She was like a light. Yeah, that's it. She would light up the whole room just by her presence. I loved this about your mom. I still do, by the way. So I wanted to make her smile because I was convinced she could be even prettier with a smile on her face. And I was right."

"Was it a success then ?" The little girl asked. "I bet it wasn't. Your jokes aren't that good, dad. You have to know that." She tried to hide her laugh for a moment but couldn't do it for too long.

Deeks made a face as if he was hurt and then laughed with her. "Well you do look like your mom on some point when you talk like this. But no. It wasn't a success at all at the beginning. She wasn't laughing, talking or smiling ! I think she was pretty upset to have me as a partner. I was childlish during that time. But it went pretty okay after that and we fell in love with each other." He kept turning the pages to remember everything that had happened to them, with the biggest grin on his face. One day, he decided to take a photo of everything because making memories was truly important. There were pictures of every Christmas, holidays, events from their life. He loved it.

"You miss mom, aren't you Soph ?" He couldn't help but notice that his little girl wasn't as smiling as she usually was. In general, she was laughing and running everywhere. She always wanted to do something and couldn't remain quiet for more than an hour. So, seeing her like that made him miserable. But he couldn't do a damn thing about what bothered her. He felt so useless in these kind of situations and that was horrible !

"Obviously." She looked at him again with slight tears in her eyes. "But I understand why she's doing this you know. It's just that..."

"It's just that it's Christmas and you want her here." He hugged her tightly to let her know that he was here with her. She wasn't all alone. "Maybe she'll come back before the 25th. Everything is possible you know how it works."

She sighed because she knew very well what undercover job meant and she hated it. A part of her loved it, because her parents helped to save people and make the world a better place and that was awesome ! But the other part of her really hated it because sometimes, she wanted her parents just for her. She wanted to come home after school and find them coming from the office like the other parents. She was lost and didn't know what to think of this situation. It was even worse when Kensi was in another country, like at this moment, because they could spend weeks before talking to each other. Even Deeks who knew what it was like, thought that sometimes the distance was the hardest thing to handle. So you can imagine how it was for a little girl. Especially during Christmas.

* * *

The entire house was in the dark, no sounds, and Deeks was drinking a beer in front of a football that he wasn't even watching. He was just lost in his own thoughts. Kensi and him always made their best to come home for Christmas and birthdays since Sophia was born. When it was just the two of them, they could manage to be alone for a birthday. They knew they would have more together but it's totally different for a child. So it was a pomise they made to each other the first night they spend with the little baby girl. Despite the undercover cases they may have to do in the future, they wanted to be there for everything together.

He knew she was doing everything in her power to be back in time but he also wanted her here. He was missing her so much. This case started a month before and it was already too much. At least, Hetty did what she could to make him stay at home with their child. He couldn't be more thankful for everything she had done for them since the begining.

When Deeks heared noises coming through his left, he jumped from the couch with his beer on one hand and his gun on the other. But it wasn't a burglar or a killer. It was her. It was Kensi.

She was finally home.

He could breathe again as if he had stopped the moment she left for Afghanistan again. He was terrified that she would come home more broken than she was the first time she went there. Even though she left a few years before; he could see that the things that happened to her changed her forever.

"You made it." Deeks said in an undertone while getting closer to her. He hugged so tight and closed his eyes to be able to take a moment just for him.

"We promised, right ?" She waited for him to nod before letting him go. Deeks looked at her face, arms, hands. He looked at her whole body to make sure that no harm was done to her. She had some scratches on her face and seemed exhausted but she was fine. She was fine and here with them.

"I'll go kiss Soph. Wait for me." She started to whisper too.

He sat back on the couch and smiled so much that it hurt him. She was home with them and that was all that mattered. They had made it through another year without too much damage together.


	12. Chapter 12 : Lift

**Chapter 12:** **Lift**

 **Hey! So here's the new chapter. Kensi and Deeks are partners but they're not in a relationship in this one. But that doesn't mean they don't love each other. Plus I'm really not a pro on panic attack so I made some research on internet to understand what it really is. I hope it's not too far away from the reality.**

 **Anyway, I hope you'll love it. Let me know what you think because it's more enjoyable to read your opinions during the week than do my homework. :)**

 **Love from France.**

* * *

Kensi and Deeks were supposed to go Downtown and ask some questions to the director of the agency. They wanted to know where he had been the night before and with who. That's what they were supposed to do. But when the lift of the rich building stayed close they understood the day would be a little bit longer than what they had planned at the beginning of the working day.

Kensi started to freak out and pressed every buttons. Obviously Deeks told her that it would do nothing and they just had to wait for someone but she kept doing it. It wasn't that she didn't want to listen to him, she just couldn't hear him. She was breathing heavily, her chest moving faster than as usual. Even though she was pressing every buttons at the same time, Kensi couldn't see anything. It was like a blur took possession of her vision. She couldn't see anything and coudn't calm herself. She was shaking and felt like she was litteraly going to die if the doors stayed close. And obviously, The lift wasn't opening, Deeks was beside her, evaluating the situation while Kensi was clearly freaking out. He needed to find something to tell her before she would go nuts. If it wasn't the case already. They had been partners for more than two years and he didn't even know she had a thing with lift. Well, they never had been stuck in one so that explain a lot actually. But he understood at that moment that there were so much he didn't know about her. He promised himself he would change that during the following weeks. He cared about her and a few days before, he noticed he wanted to get closer to her. Eating some take-out on her couch while watching TV with beers wasn't enough anymore. He wanted more and he truly hoped she wanted it too.

You need to think.

Think FAST Deeks.

He looked at her intensely before taking her hand. He needed to clear her head real quick. At first, he remembered something he read in an article. It said that you could kiss the person who is having a panick attack because it would hold the person's breath for seconds. Frankly, he wanted to kiss her for so long. But not like that. She was terrified and if he did have kissed her, he was ready to bet everything he had that Kensi would have punch him as hard as she could. So yeah, he wanted to kiss her but it was so not the good time to do it. He felt so useless seeing her like that. He couldn't see a way to help her when she was in distress like that. What kind of friend that makes me ? That was all he could think about. If he wasn't able to help her when she needed the most then maybe, he wasn't the right person for her. He really wanted to help her but seeing her like that stopped him. He couldn't think clearly when she was miserable and that was the worse moment to stop thinking. It was just the both of them in there so he had to find a solution and help her. Kensi was the strongest person he ever met and now she was a true mess, pressing these buttons and punching the doors. He could see her breathing was faster than it was supposed to be. He attracted her to the floor in front of him and tightened his hand on hers. This way, she knew he was with her and he wasn't letting go. He wouldn't let her at any costs.

"Okay." Deeks tried to breathe as normal as possible because he didn't want her to be more terrified than she already was. "What's your full name?" He asked, looking at her deeply.

Kensi stared at him, without understanding where he wanted to go with that question. They had known each other for years of course he knew her name. What was the point to that ?

"Wha-what the fuck ?"

"I'm asking you a question. What's your full name ?" He kept her hand in his without moving. He just looked at her in hope that she would calm herself promptly. He nodded his head to encourage her to answer.

"Ken-Kensi Mary Blye, why ?"

"What's your favorite movie ?"

"You know what it is. Just make this stop Deeks !"

"You have to trust me on this Kens. So answer me. Tell me what's your favorite movie. Go ahead."

She started to tight his hand too. She held him so much it hurt him. She wasn't letting go either. Because, well, she needed him. He was her partner after all and knowing that she could rely on him felt great. It felt so great to finally be able to trust someone and be a 100% sure that she wouldn't end up all alone. It was actually the first time she felt like this.

"Titanic. It's Titanic." She said in a whisper, staring at him.

Talking calmed her down. Holding his hand calmed her down. Just his presence calmed her down.

"What was the last plant you killed ?" He tried to make her laugh to make her think of something else than the doors still closed. And apparently it worked pretty well. This discussion always had been a moment of laugh between them and the rest of the team. So he took advantage of it.

She saw his slight smile and tried to grin too. "A cactus. I killed a cactus, last week."

Deeks laughed because God, she was so bad with plants. That was so funny and in the meantime, adorable. Because even though she tried hard, she kept failing at it. That was probably the only subject where Kensi would fail. He still had his hand in hers and started to caress it with his thumb. It worked. She was thinking about something else and was slowly being her again. He couldn't stop there. First, because she would be totally peaceful after, no more panick attack for the day. But mostly because he would get to know more about her and that was all he wanted to do.

Kensi perfectly knew how to hide her feelings and her past. She didn't let anyone enter her personal space or her mind. So when Deeks had the opportunity to discover new things about her, even small ones, he would always take the chance. He couldn't stop looking at her. Even when she had tears in her eyes, sobbing and trying to find her breath, he thought she was beautiful. She was just so beautiful to him. He was about to ask another question, a personal one, to learn something new. But unfortunately, the fate decided something else. The doors of the lift opened all of a sudden and the two partners saw a security guard and the director in question. Deeks sighed discreetly because again, he had missed a shot. They both got up, still holding hands, and Kensi tried her best to act professional. At first, they didn't even stopped holding their hands because for the both of them, it felt so natural. As if it was normal to do so.

Thirty minutes later they went out of the building. They took the stairs just to be sure that they wouldn't get stuck all over again. They sat quietly in their car and stayed in this position for a minute or so. Kensi put her hand on his and opened her mouth to talk but no sound came out of it. She breathed in and turned her head to be able to gaze at him.

"Thank you Marty." She felt his hand wrapping hers and smiled softly. He could see her dimples and all over again, he thought how much she was pretty.

"I'm your partner. That's my job to protect you."

And for the second time of the day, Deeks wanted to kiss her and never let her go.


	13. Chapter 13 : Mother

**Chapter 13 :** **Mother**

 **Hey ! So first of all, happy new year ! I hope you all had great holidays with your families. I decided to write this chapter about the scene between Kensi, Deeks and his mother in the 7x02. I did some research because I wasn't so sure about her name and I found Roberta, but if it's not that well let me know so I can change it. Anyway, I just love that scene and because the letter of this chapter is "M", there isn't a better occasion to do it than now. Anyway, tell me what you think about it, and if you have any idea about the chapter with the letter "N".**

 **Don't forget to review to make me happy because school starts back tomorrow ! (Good luck for that too.)**

 **Have a good week.**

* * *

"Come on, let's get this party started !" Deeks' mom said, heading towards the kitchen. You could see a smile on her face. Indeed, she liked her. She had the feeling she said what she thought when it needed to be said which was a good point. And most importantly, she felt like Kensi made her son happy. That was what mattered to her the most. He needed to find a person who would and could make him smile everyday. And he may have find that person.

On the other way, Kensi could feel her heartbeat getting faster and faster. Her hands were sweaty and she kept drying them on her jean. Within a minute, she started to be stressed out. A part of her wanted to run as fast as she could and get out of here. She wasn't ready to meet his mother. So not ready for that. Plus she wasn't that good with parents. What had took her to respond "no" to her questions ? When she said that no, she didn't cook it was fine. Like it's no big deal, a lot of people don't cook like her. But then she responded quickly that she didn't wanna learn. The silence after that was mortifying ! Fortunately, Roberta wasn't mad. Thank God, Kensi could still have a chance with her.

Kensi was obviously afraid Deeks' mom wouldn't like her. Maybe she was going to jump on some conclusion and think that Kensi was everything than good for her son. Deeks might have talk to her about Kensi's childhood and her past. Deep down, she knew he never would do that to her. They talked about it a few times and he always listened to her, tried to help her to get past it. To move on and have a fresh start on her life. He didn't do that to, at the end, talk about her issues to his mom or someone else. She trusted him with all her heart but sometimes it was just hard. Her trust issues towards people and herself always came back. She did try to be better at it but yeah, at some time she would always doubt about people's feelings for her.

She shook her head and tried to act normal; as if she wasn't freaking out by the fact that her boyfriend's mom was in front of her, a knife in her hand ready to cut a carrot and her head at the same time.

The other part of her, which might be the biggest of the two, wanted to stay. She wanted to stay there and discover more about her. And Deeks at the same time. She was well aware that they had had a crappy relationship with Deeks' dad. Gordon. Maybe, just maybe, this evening would make him talk more to her. Maybe he would open up a little bit more afterwards. Plus, Roberta had cooked and Kensi doesn't say no to a meal.

Like never.

* * *

In the middle of the meal and talks about their work and Roberta's life, questions came about their love life. The sweaty hands came back too; even faster than the first time. Breathe, Kensi, just breate. It's going to be just fine.

"So let's talk about the interesting stuff, how long will I have to wait for a grandchild ?" She asked while Kensi choked with her wine. Okay, maybe "fine" wasn't the best word to describe it.

Deeks, for his part, lifted his head and stared at his mother with his big blue eyes. Frankly, he was as stressed out as Kensi was about that dinner. He decided a few hours ago that he wanted them to meet each other. The plumber's story had to come to an end because it was ridiculous ! He was almost sure his mother would like her. After all, he loved Kensi with all his heart and he was a 100% sure Roberta would notice that. Everyone could actually ! You just had to watch how he looked at her, in a lovingly way. From the moment you saw his smile and the lights in his eyes when Kensi entered in a room, you could be able to understand how much he cared about her. He hoped that if, by misfortune, she didn't like Kensi as much as he did; she would at least accept her because she was the one. She was truly the one that made him happy and made him want to get out of bed in the mornings.

"Grandchild ?" He asked Roberta and looked at his girlfriend in the meantime. He could see her tense a little bit. "We..um.. we didn't talk about this yet, mom. We have been in a relationship just for a few months. It's kind of soon to talk about it."

"Too soon !" Kensi stopped moving the second she said it. She didn't really mean to say it. It was just supposed to be her thoughts. The mother and the son gazed at her for a minute, in silence, before she sensed Deeks' hand on hers under the table.

Well, that dinner was going to taste like hell.

* * *

At the end of the meal, the two women washed the dishes side by side. For the third time of the evening, Kensi felt her heart beating quicker than usual. Deeks was on the phone and Roberta decided it was the best moment for her to know more about Kensi. She asked her for help and headed to the kitchen with the plates. Kensi had no choice than follow her because, of course, she couldn't act like she didn't hear her. That would have been rude and bad for her.

"So Kensi, it's my last day here and I'm glad we met. Now I see why my son likes you."

"It was a pleasure too." She nodded, hoping that nothing wrong would come out of her mouth. She kept washing the dishes when she saw the older woman facing her. She took a second to breathe, in order to built some courage and turned to her too. She did try to smile to her, to look like a nice "daugther in law". But it turned out to be more like an uptight grin.

"I also wanted to thank you. I see you're taking care of him and I like to see him happy."

"Ohh you know, I'm not the one you should thank. I feel like he makes me happier than I do for him. But yeah, we're trying to look out for each other. We're partners after all." Kensi shrugged slowly.

Roberta nodded, still looking carefully at her. "You're more than partners my dear. Don't forget that." She hugged her and whispered in Kensi's ear : "You love each other. That's a big deal !"

Deeks came back when their hug was over and he wondered why his girlfriend's smile was that big. Even though she tried to hide it.

When Roberta left to go home, the couple sat on the couch hugging. Her head was resting on his chest and she felt like she could fall asleep right there. He was stroking her back tenderly and opened his mouth to ask her something.

"So kids um ?" He curbed his laughter. On one side it made him laugh that his mother talked about it before they did. But he was also afraid because he wanted kids. He wanted to be a father and most importantly, he wanted to be the father of Kensi's kids. But maybe she didn't want to be a mom. He could understand it because of what she had lived with her parents but that could be an issue between the both of them. At least, he was sure they would talk about it and figure it out together.

Well.. it wasn't going to be now anyway.

Because when Deeks looked at her, waiting for an answer from her, he could see she was fast asleep.

That discussion will need to wait then.


	14. Chapter 14 : Niece

**Chapter 14 :** **Niece**

 **Hey everyone ! First of all, I don't really know if I'll be able to post a new chapter next sunday because I'm going to have a week full of exams and I truly want to have fucking good grades. But I'll do my best to finish writing it and then post it. So anyway, here's the new chapter. Tell me what you think about it as always because reviews truly make me happy. You don't know how much it's good to read one of your comments when you wrote a chapter for a whole week.**

 **(don't forget that English isn't my first language :) ).**

 **Have a good week from France!**

* * *

When Deeks opened the door of his house Kensi saw the biggest mess of her life. There were toys and stuffed animals everywhere on the ground and on the coutch ! The TV was on and it seemed to be on Netflix with a child movie. He had blue and purple hair clips in his hair and a cute little girl clinging to his leg. She looked at him, sort of laughing, and saw the desperate look on his face.

"Hey !What's happening here ?" Kensi asked, totally not aware of who the little one was and why she was at Deeks' when they had planned a night in with movies and take-out.

"This is..."

"Lily !" The six years old girl stepped forward and shook her hands with Kensi's. "My name is Lily. And who are you ? Uncle Mart didn't tell me someone would come ! What's your name ?" Before Kensi could give any answer to these multiple questions, the child came back to her toys on the couch.

"Uncle Mart hum ?" She rested on the door, trying not to laugh too much despite that silly nickname. It was really cute in a way. You could say it fitted him perfectly !

" .Laugh." She put the hair clips away from his blond hair and burst out laughing in less than a second. He stepped away to let her come in and tried not to grin either.

"You never told me you had a niece. I thought it always had been just you and your mother." She layed the food down and turned towards them to look at Lily. She was so focussed on her book that she didn't notice them gazing at her.

"She's not really my niece. You know I would have presented you sooner so you could have had that cool hairstyle too !"

"You just wish to see me with it." She shrugged and smiled brightly. "Sooo, tell me who that little girl is."

"Her mom is a good friend of mine and she had an emergency at her job. She had no other choices so I took her for the night." And just at this moment he saw the take-out and closed his eyes, a hand in his hair. "Oh fuck ! I completely forgot you were coming. It's just that I don't know what to do with her and how to handle her. I'm sorry, I was overwhelmed by everything. I should have call you before Lily and her mom came."

"Hey, that's okay. I get it. You wanted to help her out, that's totally fine with me. Plus seeing you like this was so worth it, trust me !" She got closer to him and kissed him for the first time since the morning. They were just at the beginning of their relationship so they didn't have their own place because none of them wanted to rush things between them. For now, the couple wanted to take enough time to figure out their thing before telling the others at work. They kept going to the bullpen seperated and act as always. "I'll go home then. I don't want to bother you, I see you are in the middle of what seems to be a good book." She smiled gently at the girl who was now looking at them with her big brown eyes.

"You should stay. Uncle Mart doesn't do the different voices when he reads. That sucks. Maybe you can do it." She handed her the small book and smiled kindly.

"You heard the princess. You're stuck here now." Deeks made the biggest cute smile in hope that it would make her stay for the night. "And you bought food, that would be so dumb to go without eating it."

"You had me with the book. No need to smile like that." Kensi sat on the couch and started to read her the story. She smiled to Deeks softly.

Deeks headed towards the kitchen to unpack the food and heared Lily laughing at Kensi's voices; linked to the story's animals. He realised how much he cared about her and God, how much she was beautiful at his eyes. She was deeply breathtaking ! You couldn't not stare at her everytime she enters a room. That wasn't possible because she felt like fresh air everytime she came somewhere. It wasn't the first time he had noticed it and he cherished that. Kensi was frankly the prettiest woman he had ever seen. Even when it was 6am and she had tousled hair and was yawning. Or when it was late in the night and she was drunk. Saying silly things and not caring about others. She was pretty all the time. He loved staring at her because Kensi looked different every hour of the day. The first lights of the sun was always his favorite. He loved to see her sleep on her chest and have the sunlight on her back. Yeah, that was his favorite moment of the day because it was just them. No one would bother them and that felt like happiness !

And at that moment, Deeks realised that he fell in love with Kensi. Of course he knew long before that he had thing for her, that he cared way too much about her than a normal partner would. But he had never realised that he wanted to live with her, like in a real house not in two places at a time. He really wanted to wake up next to her every morning and end up with her at the end of the day.

He loved her so much.

He shook his head softly, smiling like an idiot. He couldn't help it actually. He brought the food to the living room and saw Lily fell asleep on Kensi's shoulder. She had no idea what to do. She did babysitt when she was younger to make some money and buy food but that doesn't mean she was great with kids. She didn't know if she liked them either. Sure she would protect them in case they needed to, or be nice and take that voice you have when you talk to them but she never knew if she would be a good mother. She never had a brilliant childhood and feared she would make too many mistakes with her child. Because well, she never had a role model. So when the little one started to sleep on her shoulder within a minute she felt kind of lost. She tried to pick her up to put her in a real bed and Deeks came at the same moment.

"Fuck ! How did you do that ? I tied to put her to sleep during the whole day ! I was starting to despair." He smiled at that vision and took the child in his arms. He noticed very well that she wasn't comfortable. "Start to eat Kens. I'll be back." He waited for her to nod and then put the child to bed ; kissing her on her forehead.

"You just saved my life ! I thought she would never rest and I would need to be up all night, playing with dolls and small cars !" He laughed a little bit and yawned at the same time. Deeks sat beside her and she put her head on the crook of his neck. It was like they supported each other no matter what.

"It's because you didn't do the different voices of the animals, that's all !" In turn, she slightly laughed and started to eat. "I'm glad I stayed. She's really lovely."

He nodded and grinned. "Yeah she is.. Can I ask you a question ? I know you, I know you're going to tense and start to act weird but I want to know. I need to know."

Kensi stopped eating quickly, afraid of what he was going to ask. She breathed slowly and tried to give her courage. "Go ahead."

"Do you want kids ? Not like right now but someday, you know." He asked even though he might have known the answer. He just wanted to hear it from her. To be sure.

"Do we really need to talk about this right now ?" She stood up and sighed.

And all over again, their bad communication skills reappeared.


	15. Chapter 15 : Optimistic

****Chapter 15 :**** ****Optimistic****

 ** **Heeeey ! I know it's been like two weeks I didn't post a chapter but I had my final exams last week so it took a lot of time to work on my lessons and stuff. It's over for now so I can breathe and take the time to finish this chapter. Anyway I do hope you'll all like it. Tell me if you have any idea about the word for the next chapter, like always.****

 ** **Don't forget to review, fav and follow because it makes me really happy to see your comments when I'm at school, crying over my philosophy.****

* * *

The day started as usual with a case for the team. Sam and Callen went out to find any informations about the Marine who died the night before. They had some clues but they needed to be sure about them. That's why they drove towards Harbor area in the middle of the afternoon. In the meantime, Deeks stayed at the bullpen to fill some papers about old cases. Whereas Kensi was training in the sport hall of NCIS. Whenever she had some free time, she would jog or train at the shooting range. Everything would be better than do her paperwork actually.

The building was a little bit less full than it was usually. Maybe it was due to the fact that Hetty wasn't present either. Without her imposing presence as the chief, the whole building felt less filled. It was as if she was the only one who really occupied the whole building by her slight height and her orders. She was Hetty Lange after all.

Maybe it was one of the reasons these seven men decided to come in and shoot randomly at people. They seemed to be trained and knew what to do in order to make it quick. With their black hoods on their faces and guns, they really seemed to be professional on this. When Deeks heared the multiple detonations, he took his own weapon and hid behind his desk. It wasn't the perfect time to play the hero. First, he needed to find Kensi, be sure she was okay, and put his colleagues in a safe place. Despite the fact that this location was supposed to be one of the best safe place in the city. Well maybe because this place was supposed to be kept secret ?

He could count three men in Hetty's ofice, clearly searching for something. Why does this office had to be built without real walls for God's sake ? He tried to call Kensi for the second time in the minute but she wasn't answering his calls. Obviously. He knew Kensi often left her phone in different places and then just forget where she had put it. It was typical of her. But right now, Deeks needed her to answer him.

"Find me that file Marcus ! And fast !" One of the guys said. From what Deeks was seeing, he might have been the chief. He was the only one to give orders wether the two others were searching for the paper.

Deeks finally managed to call Eric and Nell and saw them on the screen of his phone. He whispered as quick as possible that they needed to lock themselves in OPS and that they couldn't go out unless he was the one asking them to. Eric was distincly stressed out. You could say he was scared as fuck too. It was appropriate in that case. As far as Nell was concerned, she tried to find Kensi's position in the building and calm her partner down. They were the only one in this room and they intended to remain like this until Deeks' coming. At least, Nell knew how to use a gun. Maybe they weren't that fucked up.

Nell texted Deeks the location of Kensi and said that, of course, if he needed her she was here. With Eric, they would wait for news and warn Sam and Callen. Maybe they would be able to find a solution.

He just needed to find her. As soon as they would be together, he knew they would be able to handle this messy situation. And messy was a slight word.

When he lifted his head, the men weren't there anymore. Okay, maybe the istuation wasn't that crappy. There was some hope. It represented his best shot to run and go downstairs to find Kens. And that's what he did. He run faster than he thought he ever would have while trying to be discret. And finally, he reached the door. But it was like he couldn't open it. His hands didn't want to move. What if, behind that door, Kensi was lying on the floor with blood everywhere ? What if she had been shot by one of the men ? His head was full of "what if" and his brain refused to move. It was like he couldn't do anything because he was too afraid to find her dead. To realise that he would need to live without her. He couldn't do that. It might sound a little bit cliché but who cared ? Surely not him. His hand was on the door knob but refused to open it. Deeks closed his eyes for a second and tried his very best to be less terrified about what he could find behind it.

But when he opened it, it was even worst than he could have ever imagined ! He started shaking and breathing heavily at the sight of a man holding Kensi in hostage. She had blood coming from her eyebrow and her forehead but seemed okay. If we can say that.

Deeks looked deeply at her and tried to be supportive. He had to show her that he was here and he was going to help her. He nodded to her and said in an undertone that everything will turn out fine. They would make it out of here.

"If you harm her, this is gonna be your last day on earth."

The man laughed openly because he knew he had the advantage. In less than a minute you could see Deeks had deep feelings for her. The way he stared at her represented it well. His gaze was full of love and anxiety. He was terrified at the simple idea of loosing her. It couldn't happen and he would do everything in his power to make them all go out of the building without one scratch. And the man decided to play with that.

"What tells you I didn't do anything before you came ?" The man tightened his grip around Kensi's neck. And when he was about to pull the trigger, Deeks did the same and shot him. The man fell on the floor and dragged Kensi with him. She had blood all over herself but was alive. That was what mattered the most.

Deeks run towards her and helped her to get back on her feet. He cupped his hands over her head and breathed slowly. He put a strand of hair behind her ear and simply embraced her. She was fine and it was the only way he had found to be sure of that.

"I'm okay. It's okay." That was all she could say because yes, Kensi was tough but everyone would be afraid when a gun was pressed on your forehead. That was human nature after all.

"We need to go before the others hear the sound of the guns."

"Because there are other ?" She said, already exhausted by this day.

Deeks nodded and headed towards the door. "Okay Kens, we have to go in OPS, see Nell and Eric and then we'll improvise."

* * *

During their way, both Kensi and Deeks shot two men. They were now inside OPS discussing with the other partnership about what to do. They really needed to find a solution and fast. They could hear detonations downstairs which didn't mean everything was going that well. On their way there, the couple saw dozens of corpses lying in a pool of blood. They didn't know why these men acted like that and at that moment, they couldn't care less. Their colleagues and friends had been killed and they couldn't face it. The four of them wanted enough time to realise what had happened and who they had lost but they couldn't manage to do so. They would take the time once they would all be at home. But now, they had to find a solution. And they were trying to. A lot of ideas were said but there wasn't any good one. Which was linked to the fact that they didn't know how many killers were inside the bullpen. They clearly couldn't risk to put more life in danger.

But then, there was no sound. No more fire gun, no more shouts. Nothing at all. They decided to head towards the stairs quietly to see what was happening.

"Maybe they killed each other." Deeks said looking everywhere when he stepped outside.

"What an optimistic you are." she answered with her gun in her hands. She made some signs to Deeks to let him know that she was going to the left. He nodded to her and started to go downstairs when he heard a voice he knew.

"Hey fluffy hair. I see everything is better than doing paperwork hum." Sam said. He tried to joke and ake him look somewhere else than the floor.

"I've never been more happy to see you in my life." Deeks said back and noticed the tons of cops in the bullpen. It was over. The nightmare was finnaly over. He saw Kensi, eric and Nell coming their way too. Instinctively, he took Kensi's hand in his and never let it go.

He was right, they were stronger together.

* * *

"You okay ?" Deeks asked in the middle of the night. It was pitch dark but still knew that Kensi wasn't sleeping. He just knew her so well.

But he couldn't sleep either. They were trained to these kind of situations but still. It would always be complicated to get past it and try to live like every other day.

"I guess. You ?" She rested on his lap, her hand still in his. At least, the events made her realise one thing.

She cared about him even more than she thought.

If that was possible.


	16. Chapter 16 : Pregnant

****Chapter 16 :**** ****Pregnant****

 ** **Hi! First of all, I wanted to thank you for the reviews/favs/follows because it's awesome ! Anyway here's the new chapter, tell me what you think about it as always. Have a good week from France.****

 ** **(Don't forget that English isn't my first language so if there's any mystake, let me know :) )****

"I have doughnuts !" Deeks happily said while he entered the bullpen.

They were all there, sitting at their desks and laughing about something stupid. Like every morning actually. Deeks and Kensi still kept their relationship a secret for the moment. They deeply thought it was the best decision for them. They just wanted to have time for themselves, enough time to figure their thing out. That's why Kensi would arrive first in the office and Deeks would follow like 10 minutes after. You could say they loved keeping it a secret. They loved the jokes that nobody understood except them, the looks across the room, and their slight flirt when the others would get totally lost. They stayed like that for a little bit more than a year. Yes, they wanted to tell them after a few months when they realised it was more than just a thing between us. But unfortunately, they didn't find the right time, they had a lot of cases and they started to stress out about their friend's opinions about this. But the thing the couple was the most afraid of was probably Hetty. Even though she was small, she had a lot of power and knew how to gain respect from everyone. Deeks and Kensi were afraid she would separate them, banish their relationship or make one of them leave the unit. So they kept their mouth shut during the next months. It became their routine. Their little thing. In spite of the fact that sometimes it was hard to say nothing, they were quite happy about it. And yes, you could say it, they were fucking in love. As always Deeks discreetly smiled at his girlfriend and accepted Sam's jokes about his hair. Like every morning.

But when Kensi took a doughnut and tried to eat it, she felt dizzy, like she was about to throw up. She felt ill-at-ease all of the sudden but still tried to hide it to her colleagues. Obviously, Kensi didn't understand what was happening to her and she availed the fact that they weren't paying attention to her to go to the bathroom. And she threw everything up. She heard the bathrom's door being opened and tried to remain as quiet as possible. It really wasn't the time to be discovered. She wasn't at her best and felt a little bit pathetic even though she wasn't responsible. She thought about what she ate, drank or if she could be stressed about something but it wasn't logical at all. Nothing was different than as usual.

What the fuck was happening to her ?

It was like something had taken contol over her. And she couldn't do anything about it. When Kensi started to feel better she stood up, breathed in and went to the sink to put some fresh water on her face.

"You okay ?" Nell asked from the corner of the room and Kensi jumped. "You don't seem to be okay."

"It's fine. It's just a virus or something." She shrugged and tried to smile to her colleague and mostly friend.

They had been hanging out a lot lately and got closer. Kensi liked the fact that they had common points. And then one night, They had drank too much and Kensi told her about her relationship with Deeks. Nell wasn't surprised at all. In fact she told her she knew they felt something for each other, even before Kensi and Deeks understood anything. So Nell was the only one to know about them.

"You sure Kens ?"

The other woman nodded quietly and smiled to her. "I feel better."

Nell leaned against the sink and stared vivdly at her. "It's not the first time you felt like that you know. And you've been... in a bad mood lately. So hum.. I'm going to ask you a question quickly and you're not going to punch me, be mad at me or anything. Promise it."

"Yeah whatever, I promise." Kensi sighed, already tired of that discussion. She was afraid the others would notice that she had been gone for too long. Fortunately it was a quiet day so they didn't have a case for the moment. It was just about paperwork from old murders.

"Are you pregnant ?" She looked at Kensi right in her eyes and waited for an answer with her arms folded. Indeed it wasn't the first time she had noticed Kensi acting that way around food. And she knew how much Kensi loved food so something must have been wrong.

"What ? No ! No ! We're being careful. No it can't be that."

Kensi laughed a little bit, shaking her head and went out of the bathroom. She was still laughing at Nell like it was a joke or something when she sat back at her desk. And then it was like she couldn't move. She froze and thought about what Nell told her. It would actually explain a lot of things. She could feel Deeks' eyes on her but couldn't do anything. She couldn't be pregnant. It just couldn't be happening to her. She stared back at him and tried to smile naturally. Which felt more like a wince than something else.

Kensi tried to fill in her reports but couldn't focus. Her mind was screaming at her and she felt like throwing up all over again. She made a list of Pros and Cons on a draft copy. On the Pros' side you could read that it was good news beause Deeks would be an amazing father, because they loved each other, because it could be a proof of her personal achievement... and that was all. Clearly the Cons' side was the biggest. It was full of anxiety, stress and negative comments about herself. Such as the fact that she would make a bad mother, she would bring a child in a world where violence and harmful are reigning. She never had a role model, so how could she be able to raise a child on her own ? She couldn't do that.

* * *

Finally the end of the day came. It had been a tired and long day where Kensi had felt lonely with her own thoughts. She needed to be sure about this. She really needed to know. So she gave as a pretext that Nell and she were going to a bar Downtown for a girl night. She tried to act normal in front of her boyfriend, but it was hard. Because Deeks knew when she wasn't okay or when something was wrong with her.

She bought a test went directly to Nell's apartment. When she rand the bell Kensi was clearly stressed out. She needed answers but couldn't go back home before having them. She couldn't face Deeks' puppy eyes and act like everything was fine.

* * *

One hour later, she was back to Nell's porch with her bag on her shoulders and looked like she had seen a ghost. Well now she had her asnwers.

She was pregnant.

During the whole car ride back to home Kensi tried to find a way to tell him. First, she had to tell him she was pregnant, then she had to tell him how lost she felt about it. She wasn't confident about it. Was it a good thing ? Could they do it ? Could she be a good mother ?

When she opened the door, she breathe in quietly and went straight to the living room. She sat beside him and remained silent while he talked about Monty and his day. When Deeks understood that she wasn't paying attention to what she was saying he took gently her hand and stroked its back.

"And then Aliens took Callen in their spatial ship." He said to her, trying to make her react.

"I'm Pregnant." Kensi said in less than two seconds. She couldn't keep it for herself any longer. In the car she found dozen of ways to tell him but then he kept talking and talking and her brain spoke for her.

"Excuse me ?" Deeks froze beside her and it was like he had small tears in his eyes. He knew Kensi would never joke about a subject like this one. And then he understood why she had been like that today. "You're pregnant ? Like really pregnant ?"

"Well yeah ! Your kid has taken control over my body when I didn't ask for it !" She stood up and walked in the room. She couldn't really stay still. She had to move and do something. He stood up too and came closer to her. So closer that he put his hands on her shoulders to make her stop.

"Kens, stop. We're going to figure out something."

She looked at him and saw only love, caring and joy in his gaze.

"We've been talking about this before, Kens. We can make it work, you know we can."

"No, I know you can. I know you would be the best dad a kid could ever asked for. But I wouldn't make it work. There's a reason why I never wanted to have a child. 'Cause I'm sure I wouldn't be great. I know that."

Deeks smiled gently and took her in his arms. He tightened his arms around her and whispered to her ear : "Of course you'll be a good mom. I know you. I'm 100% sure we won't be like our families. We'll be better. You have to trust me."

Kensi rested her head on his shoulder and for the first time of the day, she felt like she was at the right place with the right person. She felt in peace.

"I want it too. I want us to have family, too. But I'm.."

"Too scared, I know that." He nodded and kissed her lovingly. "I'm also afraid, trust me on this, but we did it. We're happy together and I've been in love with you for so long. I think it's time to tell the others and we can take time to figure this out together."

She nodded quietly to him but knew deep down what she wanted. She wanted to have this baby with him because yes, they loved each other. They would perfectly be able to raise this child with love and joy around him.


	17. Chapter 17 : Quietly

****Chapter 17 :**** ****Quietly****

 ** **Hi ! It's finally holidays ! Anyway here's the new chapter, I hope you'll all like it. Don't forget to review because it makes me want to continue this. Deeks and Kensi are not in a relationship in this chapter but everything can happen, you know..****

When Kensi woke up around 5am in a bed which didn't feel like hers, she automatically sat. The sunlight which entered through the window of that unknown room went directly on her bare leg. She stopped breathing for a second and took the time to check if she had clothes on.

Well, she didn't.

She knew he was there, beside her, completely asleep (and naked too) but it was as if she couldn't look. She started to remember what had happened the night before, between the both of them. She remembered the beers in his couch in front of the match, she remembered their hard case which might have killed him, but she also remembered the kiss.

One of the best kiss she ever had, to be honest.

At first, it felt strange to kiss him because of their partnership and friendship. She even stopped it quickly, afraid it would change everything between them forever. But then, everything she had felt during the day and since he arrived for the first time in her life went through her head. And she let it all go. He had lead her to his bedroom and kissed her all over again. In one kiss he reassured her. He had this power on her, he could understand every single one of her feelings and help her. She loved that. She loved the fact that even when she wouldn't talk about what could possibly bother her, he would understand and help her in the best way. He would always find a way to make her feel better.

Kensi quietly turned towards him and stared at her partner who was still asleep on his back. The sun crashed down on his face and chest and that made him more perfect than he already was. She thought about their night together and how much she loved it. She thought about the fact that she might wanted to do it all over again before heading to the Bullpen. And then, she thought about what was about to happen between them, the minute he would wake up. Would it be weird ? Would he act like nothing happened that night ? Because she wouldn't.

It took her a lot of time, years even, to realise how much she cared about him. She finally understood that she wanted to be with him. That it was alright to need someone. And it was better to need him because she was almost sure Deeks would always be there for her. She had found someone to rely on, and it felt good. She had felt so good for the past years. Now that she had realised she was in love with him, she wanted him in her life and most importantly she needed him by her side, but maybe he would reject her. Maybe he would think it was just a one night stand and nothing more. Maybe, just maybe, Deeks slept with her with no feelings behind and just thought it represented a loophole to their hard day at work. A way to evacuate the stress and anxiety of the case.

At that thought, Kensi immediately had tears in her eyes. She didn't make that long way to realising her feelings for nothing but rejection. She wouldn't accept that. She let herself fall into the bed and closed her eyes for a second. She had two solutions. The first consisted of leaving his house right now. She would arrive at work and act like usual, as if nothing ever happened between the both of them. As if she wasn't utterly in love with him. Because she was afraid he would do that to her, she thought it would be best for her to do it first. Because then, she wouldn't suffer from this crappy situation. The second solution was to wait until his alarm clock would ring and just face him. See his reaction and maybe tell him everything. This one was tempting but the first was probably the best. Right ? It would allow her not to suffer that much and get by on her life. They would forget about it and become partners again. Okay, Kensi may have decided what she wanted to do. She said to herself that it was the best decision for them. Anyway Hetty would never let them have a relationship so why try ? Wasn't it pointless after all ? She put her foot on the ground and try to get up when Deeks put his arm around her. Well, now she was stuck in that bedroom with him. She needed to find the perfect solution before work or she would need to do the walk of shame and it was really not necessary !

Maybe staying and facing his beautiful eyes wasn't that stupid. Kensi breathed again in order to give herself consistency. It wasn't going to be that hard. They would act like two adults, drink coffee and go to work in a separate way. Act normal.

And then, it hit her. Being just partners wasn't enough. It was decided ! Kensi would wait until his awakening and they would talk. A real talk where she could finally tell him about her feelings. Either he would admit he felt the same way or he would invoke the "just partners" card and it would be finished even before they had a chance to start something.

She could totally do it.

Well she didn't have any choices now that he was slowly waking up. She tried to breathe as quietly and discretly as possible. All she needed to do was to calm down. She trusted him. During their night, he asked her if she did. And Kensi answered him that yes, she did with all her heart. They had looked in each other's eyes during the whole night and that symbolised a proof for her. A proof that he would never hurt her. At least not intentionally. So yeah, she trusted him and she was almost sure he would never act like they didn't make love. She was actually pretty sure it was just her. She was the one who thought too much about it. She needed to stop and just see. The best thing was to have confidence and faith.

Deeks attracted her closer and kissed softly her forehead. He was still kind of asleep, with his eyes closed but felt like he wanted to feel her. He needed to be closer. Just to be sure she was still here. He knew her well and he was persuaded she was thinking about their job, Hetty, their night together and too many things. He knew she was overthinking, like always. But for him, it was pretty clear. He had loved for a long time. He had loved her in her bad moods, when she killed cactus, even when she made him watch Titanic for 3rd time. He had simply loved her with everything he had.

He felt her moving beside him and started to wonder if she would dare to leave him without saying anything. He needed to find something to do before she'd leave him. That's why he put his arm around her. He acted like he was still asleep at first because it bought him time. Time to be brave enough to open his eyes and kiss her all over again. He kept his eyes closed for a minute longer and thought about every situations which could happen. Either Kensi would act like always, with jokes and irony or they would talk. They would have the longest talk they ever had and he would finally be able to express his feelings for her. Yeah, feelings.

Deeks bet on the second situation and hoped it would turn like that.

He then tightened his grip around her bare body and kissed her forehead softly. He caught a glimpse of her and was amazed. She was just truly beautiful. When he opened his eyes slowly he saw her, staring at him. It was the fateful moment. For a short second, Kensi and Deeks looked at each other. They simple let their eyes wandered around the body of the other. And then, their eyes met again and it felt like everything was normal, right where it was supposed to be. He still had his arm around her and stroked her back with his thumb.

And finally they kissed. Maybe that one was the best. Because they didn't drink beers and had clear minds. Because this kiss talked for them. Without words, they both knew everything was about to change in a better way.

Because maybe, their bad communication skills weren't that bad after all.


	18. Chapter 18 : Reappearance

****Chapter 18 :**** ****Reappearance****

 ** **Hey everyone ! Here is the new chapter and I decided it would be about Kensi and her reappearance after Afghanistan. So it's set a little bit before Deeks arrives to hug her for the first time in months. I think it's 5x19. Anyway, I do hope you'll enjoy this one so let me know what you think about it. So yeah, basically don't forget to review because it makes me truly happy to read your comments.****

 ** **As usual, don't forget that English isn't my first language. + I don't own anything. :)****

They found her. After so many days, they found Kensi. They searched for her and it felt like it was useless for so long; like they would never find her safe and sound. And Deeks couldn't accept that. He couldn't live with that. Because Kensi was his partner, his bestfriend and something between a girlfriend and just a friend. They had this thing between the both of them and he was just not ready to move on. He didn't want to. Or maybe he just couldn't because he loved her so much. He needed to know if she was alright. Everyone knew he would do anything to bring her home.

So when Hetty sent him the picture of Kensi with blood everywhere and what felt like a big cut to her throat, Deeks felt like he was about to throw up. As if his legs couldn't keep him standing. He felt hatred, sadness and an aftertaste of bitterness deep down. He panicked and started to be more violent towards the man he was kind of interviewing. He couldn't contain himself and no one would have been able to stop him. He felt his whole world crashing down and his head screaming. Deeks just wanted everything to stop and shut up. He just couldn't take it anymore but in the meantime, it was like there was still hope inside of him. Maybe it was due to the fact that he couldn't accept her death so he needed to persevere and find her. A small part of him still believed that she was alive. Not good at all but at least... alive. In fact, he needed to believe that or he would have just went crazy and everything would have turned into chaos.

God, that photography killed him. Seeing her like that, in so much pain, killed him. He wanted to help her, to hug her and never let go. Deeks just wanted to be there for her but it was impossible. Because he didn't know where to start, if she was still alive or if she would reject him.

"She's here because of me." That was what he was saying to himself during the whole trip to the exchange's location. Deeks felt like he failed at protecting her. A long time ago, Kensi said to him that he was the only person she trusted. And now, they were in that crappy situation between death and life and he just failed. Honestly, for so long, he did manage to keep her alive, protect her and be there for her whenever she needed him to. But that, that was different. It was Afghanistan and Jack and Kensi being possibly dead. He just couldn't manage this. He was not up to par. So yeah, basically all he was thinking was that it was all because of him. And Sam and Callen couldn't do anything to make him feel better, they just couldn't help. Like Deeks couldn't help her.

And finally, the team arrived to the place of the exchange. After so many hours when he had felt terrible and full of anger and fear, she was there. Right in front of them. At the beginning, all they could see were points in the horizon. But as these points advanced towards the team, he felt like his legs couldn't support him anymore. During the whole day he had held on Kensi's smile but now he couldn't do it. It was way too much.

The exchange might have been the worst thing he ever did. Honeslty it was so tough and really hard to keep walking to give the man to the people who kept Kensi as an hostage. During his walk, they made an eye contact and once agan, it was as if his whole world crashed down. Deeks had had enough time to see the blood coming out of her nose and her bruises on her face. She seemed exhausted and completely out. It was frightful and even though he wanted to look at something else, he couldn't. He just couldn't take his eyes off of her. Before the exchange, Deeks prepared himself to see her being hurt with blood but he didn't think it would be that bad. He never imagined it could ever be that bad. Even during their hardest cases he never saw Kensi in such a bad condition. And once again, he felt useless. They all needed to finish this exchange before going back home and it felt like it was endless.

* * *

And finally, everything was over. They were back in the camp, still in Afghanistan but they were all together. The team was reunited and Kensi was safe and sound. During the ride to go back there, she didn't talk or look at any of them. She kept her eyes shut as if she wanted to lock herself in her own world. Where there was no pain, no death and no torture. They slightly tried to make her talk, but they all knew she needed time to process what had happened to her. She needed enough time for herself, just to understand that everything was fine now. That she was fine. They all knew, mainly Deeks, that whenever she would be ready, she would come and talk. Even express her feelings maybe. They just had to wait a little bit longer to have their Kensi back.

Deeks waited for her for more than an hour in front of her tent. A part of him wanted to come inside and take her in his arms but the other one couldn't move. He knew she needed to sleep and recover so he didn't want to bother her. He prefered to wait for her until she would go out. For more than an hour he waited and finally, when he saw her outisde, he didn't know what to do. Deeks was absolutely lost. Was he supposed to talk to her ? Or should he wait until she would come to him ? And once again, their gazes met and he couldn't bear to see her like that. She wore only black and he took the time to look at her a little bit more than previously. He saw more bruises than before and that image of her hurt him so much. It hurt him to see her like that because for him, Kensi had always been that strong and independent woman who would be okay whatever was happening to her. He understood that she went through something harsh but seeing her like that felt harder. She was curled up on herself, as if she was ashamed of something. For the first time in his life, he saw her being feeble. And he had prepared himself to see her with blood, bruises and scars but certainly not that weak and broken. He never imagined she could be broken. And that's when Deeks decided to come closer, to do the first step in the middle of these people from the camp. He approached her with his hands on his back. That's the only thing he found to look less nervous. He couldn't look stressed out or jittery because then, Kensi would just fall apart. And that was certainly not what he wanted at the moment. So he tried to appear strong for her. Even though it was way harder than he thought it would be.

"I'm really glad you're alive." Deeks said, trying not to cry while he saw her face.

And all she did, all she could do, was to nod. She knew if she tried to say just one word, she would just cry and never stop. And then, she huddled herself in his arms. God, she needed him. She needed to feel his strong arms around her to be sure that she wasn't alone anymore. That he really was there with her and few hours later, she would be in her own bed and not on the ground of a cave.

"It's really bad..." That was all she could say before she fell apart. And it broke Deeks' heart to hear her.

"No it's okay, come here." He simply tightened his arms around her frail body. "It's okay, I got you. We're going home."

Kensi cried so much in his arms and he couldn't do anything but be there for her. He wanted to go after these men who hurt the woman he loved, he wanted to destroy them as much as they destroyed her. He wanted to do so many things to them but couldn't move from there. Kensi needed him there, with her, and that's where he would be.

Kensi was holding on to him as if he would just disappear. She tightened her grasp around him and felt like she would never be able to let go.

* * *

They were all finally on the plane to go back to Los Angeles. Kensi was sleeping for more than two hours with some nightmares when Sam decided that it was time to have a discussion with Deeks. He kew he wasn't sleeping, he knew Deeks was looking at her, just to be sure that she was okay. After what he did for Michelle, Sam started to pay more attention to him. And with enough time, he managed to like him, have a real conversations with him without jokes and silly nicknames. So when Deeks reacted the way he did in the bullpen to go and save Kensi, he knew deep down that Deeks cared about her. Even loved her. And Sam felt grateful because even though he was close to Kensi, he would never be able to help her and be there for the way she needed. So yeah, because he knew Kensi would be perfectly safe with him, he started to like his fluffy hair a little bit more. So he sat beside him quietly.

"She'll be alright, Deeks." He said while putting his hand on Deeks' shoulder. "You know she's strong."

Deeks nodded and tried to avoid his stare as much as possible.

"I know I gave you a rough start when you arrived; but I wanted to let you know that you're part of the family. So, don't give up on her. Just be there for her. Please."

Once again, he nodded and stopped looking at Kensi to stare at Sam. "I'm not planning on going anywhere, don't worry about it."

"You should sleep, you look shitty." Sam gave him a soft smile and got up.

"I appreciate that, Sam ! I always loved your honesty." He responded with what looked like a laugh.

* * *

Deeks drove her to her place in a complete silence. Neither of them could talk but it wasn't an embarassing silence either. It felt peaceful, like it was the first time in days where they could have some rest. Kensi lead them both in, and then she stopped moving in the middle of her living room. She just didn't know what to do anymore. Lost was a slight word to describe how she felt. And as usual, Deeks understood her. That's why he took her hand and lead her to her bedroom. He made her sit on her bed and stroked her cheek. He remained in front of her and slowly took her clothes off. He didn't want to rush her or anything, he just wanted her to sleep. To find peace again. He gave her pajamas and waited for her to put them on. He couldn't stop himself from looking at her. And all over again, he saw the extended of her injuries. Her whole body was full of them. He hated this sight. It felt like he was in the middle of a nightmare and couldn't woke up.

Kensi was finally on her bed and looked at him. When he was about to go, she heard herself say to him : "stay." in an undertone. It was so low that Deeks doubted she had said anything. But he still nodded. Of course he would stay by her side. He simply took off his jacket and lied down. He took her hand and put her closer. He stroked the back of her hand until finally, she fell asleep; knowing that she wasn't alone. Knowing that Deeks was there for her.


	19. Chapter 19 : Sorry

****Chapter 19:**** ****Sorry****

 ** **Hey ! Here's the new chapter which follow the previous one. So Deeks and Kensi are in her apartment after coming back from Afghanistan. It's one of these rare times when I want to write a following. Just remember that it won't happen for the chapter 20. Anyway, I hope you'll like it.****

 ** **Don't forget to review, please!****

 _He stroked the back of her hand until finally, she fell asleep; knowing that she wasn't alone. Knowing that Deeks was there for her._

When Deeks woke up in the middle of the night, he knew something was wrong. He still had his eyes closed but he didn't feel her presence by his side. He knew she wasn't there with him because when they went to bed, she was in his arms. She had his hand in hers and didn't want to let go. And he remembered that he loved it. He even thought he could possibly get used to it. So when he figured out that she wasn't there anymore, Deeks sat in her bed quickly. He rubbed his eyes in hope of looking less sleepy. Even though it was around 5am which made it harder. Because after the past few weeks, he didn't sleep a lot. He just couldn't. Mostly because he was afraid to fall asleep and miss one of her calls, or to wake up and hear that something had happened to her. And then, the team heared the news about her kidnapping and right away, sleeping became even more scarce. It was just the way it was. But the night before, when they both were in her bed he thought that finally, he was about to have a real night. He should have known better.

He finally had her back and he thought that she would be the same. She would be the Kensi the team knew before she left. In that moment he thought how stupid he had been to think that way. Because of course, Kensi couldn't be the same. She had been through hell and stayed there for a long time. It changed her in a really bad way and he hated it. He hated to know that he hadn't been there for her. That bitterness he felt before came back and suddenly he wanted to throw up. He tried to take a deep breath and runned one of his hand through his hair. He needed to remain calm, find Kensi and help her. Yeah, he could do that.

* * *

It wasn't the first time she woke up that night, surrounded by Jack, death and pain. She had this nightmare filled with the cave, the pain she had felt, jack and his new life. Everything came back to her in a rush. In her dream, she could feel every punches, knockouts and even the taste of blood in her mouth. It felt so real. When it happened for the first time, it was around 2am and Kensi was sweating and couldn't breathe normally. She vividly opened her eyes and sat in her bed, trying to catch her breath. She knew if she didn't manage to calm down, an asthma attack would start which would lead to a panic attack. And she was aware of Deeks sleeping just next to her. He sure as hell didn't need this. She just couldn't wake him up. She knew that because of her, he didn't sleep well for the past weeks, so she needed to remain quiet and let him rest as much as possible. That was the least she could do for him, after all he did for her.

She hated to feel that way, to appear weak. She didn't live all of that to be weaker back home. That first time, Kensi tried to go back to sleep. She turned towards her partner and looked at him for a minute. She involuntarily smiled at the sight of his blond hair, peaceful sleepy face and his hand on her back. She stroked his cheek in a loving way, just because she could do it. For the first time in weeks, she had him back and she could hug him. It felt absolutely stunning.

She wasn't at the kissing point yet. She knew she wanted to, but it felt like it wasn't the right time. As if she needed to heal and be her again before starting something with him. Kensi just hoped he would wait for her. Because she was definitely not letting him go; she just needed some time to process everything.

So yeah, she managed to fall asleep again but a second nightmare woke her up a little bit before 5am. Once again, she was breathless and felt oppressed. As if the room was too hot for her. She knew very well that she won't be able to go back to sleep again. Even though she was exhausted. Hetty gave all of them the rest of the week to lie down. But at that time, Kensi was too disturbed to sleep more than 2 hours without nightmares and screaming in her own sleep. She was truly worn out. Like she couldn't do anything. When she tried to sit down in her bed, she felt dizzy. She really needed to sleep but she couldn't. She just didn't want to face hell all over again. So, Kensi decided that because sleeping was over, she had to get out of bed in order to let him rest. At least he could do it. She slightly kissed his cheek and closed the door behind her.

* * *

When Deeks arrived in the living room, he saw her in the couch, staring at some stupid TV show. He tried to act as normal as possible because he knew that if he tried to force the discussion, Kensi would automatically withdraw into herself. He just sat by her side and put her in his arms. They stayed that way for more than 10 minutes when Kensi opened her mouth to joke about a cop in the TV show. He knew it was Kensi's way to start talking and expressing her feelings about what she lived back in Afghanistan. He just stroked her back under he shirt and laughed at her comment.

"No but look Deeks, we don't even act like that. It's so stupid."

"Hm, you can admit that Sam runs like that." Deeks laughed a bit. He loved to joke about Sam and Callen.

Kensi gently punched his arm laughing. And in that moment, he realised how much he missed her laugh and her smile. How hard it was to go to work and do his job without her. Basically how hard it was to live without her every day for weeks.

"God, I missed you so much Kens'." He tightened his grip around her. He felt like he couldn't keep it for himself. He was clearly delighted that she was back and perfectly knew that the hardest was about to come. But he also figured out she should know how much he cared about her.

All she could do was to nod. Kensi wasn't ready to cry again. She wanted to get her old life back and be her again. And the old Kensi didn't cry.

"I missed you too, you know." She took a deep breath and stared at him. "I remember you said to me that I was the person you thought about, when you were tortured a few years ago. And when I was in that cave, I tried to thought about you and what we did together. What we lived together. It honestly helped me a lot." She saw his jaw clenching, as if he was embarassed to talk about that period of his life. "From time to time, I didn't even feel the pain, I just saw your smile. I remember one night I heard your laugh. Maybe I was just hallucinating because of the pain I felt, but still. You were with me. It helped to get through this." She sort of played with her hands because it was a way for her to appear less nervous. Less anxious about what she lived. Deeks understood it and took one her hand in his.

"I'm sorry." He breathed in, trying to give himself some confidence. It was really not the time to look feeble. "I'm sorry I arrived so late. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when I should have been by your side. I knew I should have left with you because then, I would have been there for you."

Kensi simply smiled at him. All she did was smiling at him and just that made him feel better. She tightened her grip around his hand and came closer to him. So close that she was on his lap, stroking his hair. It was certainly not what colleagues' relationship should be, but they both needed this. They needed to have their thing back to be them again.

"You know Hetty would have never let you go. Besides, with you by my side, I probably would have gave up." She had a raw laugh and tried to remain strong. Crying wasn't part of her plan. Not when he was with her at least. "You can't be sorry, Deeks, because it wasn't your fault. None of this was your fault. You came as soon as you were told, and I'm thankful for that."

It was his turn to nod at her even though she couldn't see him from where she was. She closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. It calmed her. She noticed that before, and enjoyed it. As if it was the only thing that didn't change. It represented her landmark. The only thing that made her home. And with that, they both fell back asleep.

At home.


	20. Chapter 20 : Targets

**Chapter 20 : Target**

 **Hey everyone ! I'm really sorry I couldn't post this chapter last weekend but I had too much homeworks and things to do. So here it is, finally. I do hope you'll like it and maybe say what you all think.**

 **Anyway, 4 more weeks and then it's holidays ! Have a nice week from France.**

 **Ps : They're not together in this chapter...yet.**

When Deeks and Kensi woke up in their own houses, they didn't think their day would turn out to be that bad. Because well, a sunday should never start with gunmen entering your house in hope of revenge. Sundays were created to sleep late on the morning, stay in sweatpants in front of the TV and basically, stay at home doing nothing. But of course, their sunday couldn't be like that. When they took two separate ways, the day before, to go back to their places neither of them paid attention to the men hidden in some cars. In spite of the fact that they were special agents and that they should have known when they were being watched. But the two partners were too delighted to go home and have a nice night for once. And it was the same thing in the morning. They didn't glimpse the cars that were watching them outside their houses. And they certainly not understood what was happening to them when these very gunmen tried to shoot them at approximatively 10am. From their own places, they both tried to defend themselves by shooting back. Fortunately, it was only one gunman per each. Obviously, they managed to take them down and called each other, as if they were connected and knew that something was up with the other. It was always like that with them.

During the phone call, Deeks and Kensi freaked out because they just couldn't understand why they were someone's targets. It wasn't logical.

"...Well, maybe the fact that we put felonious behind bars may eplain everything Kensi."

Indeed, that sounded pretty logical, after all.

They agreed to meet at the boathouse and this, as soon as possible. But during their respectives car rides, they both received a pone call from an unknown number. Obviously the man said to them that they couldn't contact anyone from NCIS or a bloodshed would happen. Which didn't let them any solution actually. They both had to wait for his instructions and see what would happen to them. Besides, they were special agents after all, so they were built for this kind of pressure right ?

Kensi arrived first and could only perambulate, one hand on her gun. Just in case. She looked like a cazy girl who really needed to calm down. She even started to talk out loud, exposing the situation. Of course she had lived other shootings so she wasn't really stressed out about the fact that she could have died. It was her job and she learned to live in peace with it many years before that. It was more the fact that they knew the person who orchestrated everything that catched her attention. What would they do now ? It wasn't like their team would be worried because none of them were supposed to go to work that day !

"We'll find something Kens'." And of course, she had said all of this out loud. She turned to look at her partner, her gun pointed at him.

"Fuck Deeks." When she recognised him, Kensi tidied her gun back at his place and breathed. Whereas Deeks was pressed against the door, his hands in his pockets. As if this situation was absolutely normal. Like he was doing this everyday. "Don't do this to me again, I thought you were one of them !"

"We just need to contact someone from NCIS through the phones that are here and everything will be okay." Deeks claimed as he sat on the table. He started to call Eric by videochat but stopped in the middle of it to look at his partner.

"Stop walking ! My head is already spinning, don't make it worse."

Kensi sighed and tried to remain as calm as possible. They could do this.

They could do this because they were together. Which made them stronger than anyone.

After their quick talk with Eric and awkwardly Nell who were apparently at her place. In pajamas... ? The four of them decided to inform Hetty. They also decided that Deeks and Kensi had to hide in a motel for the rest of the operation. Everyone could notice that Kensi was clearly not happy with that decision but sometimes, playing the 'safe card' was the best decision you could ever make. If they wanted to save and spare citizens, that's what they would do.

That's what felt the best decision at that moment.

* * *

Before heading to the motel which was as far as possible, the partners decided to buy some food. Because nobody knew for how long they would be stuck in that crappy room. And of course, by food they only bought junk food.

But in the middle of the shop, other gunmen entered. Kensi let out a slight "fuck." before shooting back. There was no survivor even though the shop was nearly empty before their arrival. But a little girl was lying on the floor next to her dad and it was Kensi's limit that these guys never should have crossed. Trying to kill them was a thing, but actually killing a kid was something she couldn't be okay with. She felt Deeks behind her and quickly wiped a tear. He couldn't see her like that. She needed to be stronger than that. She checked the girl to see if she had a pulse and remained on her knees. As if she couldn't move. Deeks sat beside her and tried to make her react. They had to get out of there before other gunmen would come.

"We have to go. We can't do anything for them Kens'. They're already gone. Come on." He took her hand and stroked softly the back of it.

"What is wrong with this world ?" She stared at him as if she wanted an actual answer. Like Deeks was the only one to really know what the hell was wrong with this world. But if someone didn't know... well it was him.

Kensi tried to take a breath to calm her and got up. She wanted to look natural, like none of this happened to them. But Deeks knew her well. Even though they were not together, he knew a lot of things about his partner. And because of their thing, he knew very well when she wasn't alright, when she needed a pep talk or when she was happy. Now, Deeks was aware of the fact that she couldn't feel more awful. He knew she was blaming herself for the little girl's death. She thought that it was her fault because the shooters were there for them. She was blaming herslef and would do so for the rest of her life.

When they finally arrived at the motel, Kensi locked herself in the bathroom. They managed to get there without any trouble which was awesome considering the start of their day. During the car ride, Deeks decided for the both of them that they had to throw their phones away. Thankfully, he picked a burner phone from the shop. Kensi remained quiet the whole time, looking through the window. She needed to think and process everything. Which was alright with him because he always said that he would take care of her, that he would be there for everything. He understood she needed time and he gave it to her.

While she was in the bathroom, Hetty called him. She promised to him that things were being handle but they needed to stay in the Hotel room. Because that was her only way to keep them safe or at least alive. No one knew they were in there and they payed attention to the other cars this time.

After hanging up, he decided that the bed was calling him. He turned off the light and sat, looking at the ceiling. It really was a crappy day. Apparently, the man who orchestrated all of this was one of their old cases. He got out of jail and started his revenge weeks ago. Deeks could only breathe, his face on his hands, and hope that everything would turn out okay. He knew the team was actively working to get them out of this situation. He just had to keep faith.

He saw Kensi coming out of the bathroom to lay beside him. She seemed to be exhausted, like him. He took her hand for the second time of the day, and hoped she wouldn't take it away.

"It's almost over." He pronounced in an under tone, hoping it would make her feel better. Make them feel better.

"It's just you and me. Kensi and Deeks. Deeks and Kensi. Alone we're bold, we're brash, we can move mountains. But together, we're, um..."

"We're safe." Deeks looked at her and genuinely smiled.

They talked for hours, about their childhoods, past, and what they wanted for their career or for themselves. They didn't see the time pass and when they finally both fell asleep it was almost 4am. It felt great to be able to rest and talk for a while, not having the sound of gunfires behind them.

In the middle of the night, Kensi snuggled instinctively against Deeks in her sleep. At first, he didn't know what to do or how to react. But she got closer to him, she was literally in his arms and it felt good. The warm he felt was the only good thing they had had during this day and he quickly decided that she needed him like he needed her. It was nothing but an embrace but it honestly was the only thing he could cling to. He then put his arms around her shoulders and tried to fall back to sleep with the sound of her heart appeasing him.


	21. Chapter 21 : Underwear

**Chapter 21 : Underwear**

 **Hey! Don't forget that English is not my mother tongue.**

 **Please review.**

The first time Deeks saw her in her underwears, he felt amazed. As if he couldn't take his eyes off of her. Because it was a too beautiful view for looking at somewhere else. And honestly, he had waited to see this for too many years. Because yes, they weren't together.

Yet.

Deeks intended to ask her out but during the past months, he just couldn't. Either it wasn't the right time due to one of their hard cases or Kensi was mad at him for some jokes he made. Which always delayed the moment where he would ask her out for a diner. Just the both of them downtown. He didn't think of having sex and then go back to their routine. He deeply wanted to make this right and make their thing real. He wanted to hold her hand in the street, yell to the whole world that she was finally his girlfriend and that the other guys could find someone else. He didn't want her to have another crappy date unless it was with him. He wished he could be there for her and make her feel better whenever she wasn't okay. And more particularly he wanted to learn the small things about her that he didn't know yet.

It took him more than a year to make up his mind about it because what will happen to him if Kensi's answer would turn out to be 'no' ? What would happen to him if she wanted to be just friends and nothing more ? He wasn't sure he would be able to cope with that because he knew for sure that their partnership wouldn't be able between the two of them after this. Even less a friendship.

For at least four months he hesitated again and again. He found himself writing a 'Pros and Cons' list, staring at her like a psycho across the Bullpen, and starting to ask his request but not being able to finish it. In these kind of moments Deeks felt like it may have been a bad decision, or it was just him. Maybe for all of these years he thought that they had some sort of connexion but he could have misunderstood the signs. If there was any sign at all. Because thinking about it made him hesitate even more about the reality of their thing. But he also couldn't think that there was nothing between them. They had a thing, silly nicknames and jokes. All of this made them great partners and he hoped they could be something more. Something more than just being friends. Closer and intimate. He needed to cling on that image of them. Because maybe it would give him more strength to talk to her and express his feelings.

And then it occured to him that he fell in love with his partner and that he had to try something. He had a lot to loose but he also had a lot to win with her and he wanted to try his luck. And maybe, with a hell of a lot of luck he would win the woman of his dreams. The woman he fell in love with, years before that moment. Because it wasn't a simple crush. He realised he deeply loved her one morning, when she was in his car to go to to work. They were joking about some movie that she made him watch and he just had to look at her smile and her dimples to figure it out. Deeks was in love with his partner.

How the fuck would he survive to this ?

So when he entered the room she was in, by inadvertence, he truly couldn't take his eyes off of her. It was like he couldn't breathe, talk or even blink. He opened his mouth in hope of saying something. Saying how beautiful and graceful she was, saying that he loved what he was seeing and that he wanted to look at her for the rest of his life.

But the second a sound came out of his mouth and that his courage came back to finally express his thoughts, Kensi slammed her bedroom's door at him.

"What the fuck Deeks ? I told you I was in here !" And just like that, his chance was over. He remained behind the door, like a statue, and tried to breathe in. Well, maybe it wasn't that bad. He would have another chance sooner or later anyway, right ?

...Right ?

"You've been in here for a long time I assumed you were in troubles." He winced even though she couldn't see him through the door. He really didn't do it on purpose. But he sure as hell didn't regret it !

"Troubles ? In my bathroom ?"

"Indeed, it sounded more logical in my mind. But still."

"I'll be downstairs in two minutes."

"More like 15 but who's counting anyway ?" He heard a slight giggle and understood it was his cue.

He went back to her kitchen and tried to appear calm. He already made a fool of himself back there so he had to act natural when she'll be back. Deeks was perambulating and whispering to himself. He was used to being disappointed by him because he always missed his shots but this time didn't feel like always. He needed to say and do something because he couldn't take it anymore. He was stressed out about it, he couldn't focus and honestly, always think about her exhausted him. He loved to do it but still. He would think about her the minute he woke up and the minute he got up. Which had some impacts on his work at NCIS. Because everytime a felon would try to shoot her, Deeks felt like he would pass away too. He couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much for him. He thought that if by the end of that same week, he didn't do anything then he would try to move on. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe dating his partner would be awkward at work and even more if their relationship ended. So yeah, maybe saying nothing and doing nothing could help him.

"You know I have a couch and you can sit in it Deeks." Kensi arrived and sat on the bar. She took a slice of pizza and stared at him vividly, tilting her head. "Is everything okay ? You don't seem okay."

He faced her and took a good look at her in the meantime. God, even in sweatpants and with a hair bun she was beautiful. It made him sigh; because it was like everytime he decided to move on she was there and made him change his mind. All he did was nodding at her because once again, his courage ran away.

"Well, we should finish the movie." She got off the bar and noticed he remained in the same position, without moving even a finger. "You comin' or what ?"

Again, Deeks nodded at her but stayed the same. She left her kitchen, trying to understand what was happening to her partner but couldn't figure it out. While Deeks tightened his hands and tried to breathe as calm as possible. He closed his eyes for a second and joined her.

"Actually Kensi, no. I'm not okay." He went straight in front of her and tried to remember why he was about to do it. He tried to remember his goal and the positive point that could result from it. "I can't be just your friend anymore. Because I wanna be more than that. I know it sounds cheesy, trust me I've been rehearsing this in my head for quite some time now. But yeah, basically I fell in love with you Kens'. I really did and sometimes I feel like you did too. Which encourage me to say all of this and to ask you out because I have the feeling that we can be great together. Even better than friends. We have that thing together and even though sometimes I'm not so sure about it, I think I have to try it. And if you don't feel the same way, then tell me now before I continue to make a fool of myself." He saw her getting up with a thin smile on her face. "It's not funny Kensi. It's really not ! I'm not laughing so why are..."

And with that, she kissed him. It took him a moment to get used to having her in his arms, being that closed and finally kissing her back. When she gazed at him after, her hand on his cheek, she saw he couldn't help it but smile. With the biggest smile he could ever made.

"well, it's about time !" Kensi declared without letting him go.

Maybe he could go past his bad communication skills after all.


End file.
